


The Secret

by cinnamarbean



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, M/M, More angst, Posted somewhere else but I'm also posting here because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 14:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12389943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamarbean/pseuds/cinnamarbean
Summary: When the love of your life was your best friend, who didn't have any idea that you were into him. Are you ready to sacrifice your friendship and pursue the love that you are longing for?





	1. Prologue

"Hyung!"

I looked to the direction of the voice that had called me. I smiled as I saw the origin of the voice. _It was him_.

"I'm sorry I was late, hyung. Now, where do we go?" he smiled as he held my hand, intertwining our fingers. It was an honest smile, one for which I was always longing for. I was happy, if you would ask me what I felt. It was a dream come true for that person to be mine. He was who I longed for, after all.

"I don't know. Anywhere you would want to."

"Oh, you're too cute, hyung."

He flashed one more smile before he walked, tugging my hand to signal that I had to follow. We walked further, side by side, holding each other's hands. As I looked around us, I saw a few unwelcoming glances, but I didn't care. What mattered was that I was happy, and that the person beside me is happy.

_Happiness..._

We reached the park not long after a few minutes of walking. As soon as we were there, we walked to the grassy part, where we sat down first, but he down, his head resting on my lap. This was the feeling that I had always longed for. It was a dream come true.

"Hyung." He spoke.

"Hmm?"

I looked at him, and he was smiling as he looked straight into my eyes, piercing my very being. His smile was very sincere, as he spoke the words that my heart always longed for.

"I love you."

I was happy. I truly was. I couldn't describe this feeling that I have, but I was very sure that I loved him too. I loved him for who he was. I loved him for who he is. And I will love him for who he will be.

I smiled at him as I leaned my back to embrace the sunlight, closing my eyes. The feeling was real. What I feel for you is very real. But I can't find the words on how to respond, because I don't have the courage to do so. As soon as I opened my eyes, I was back in my room. My clock showed 3:11 AM. I sighed, tears beginning to fall down my eyes again.

_It was a dream. But it was an embodiment of my desires._

I stood up, not bothering to go back to sleep. Besides, it was a school day. But, whatever was in my dreams will remain there. Similar to my feelings for that person, that dream will always be what it is right now.

_A secret._


	2. 01.

"Wonho. You're early again..."

Hoseok looked towards the origin of the voice. It was from his mom. He smiled at the lady that had just entered the kitchen, just when Wonho was about to cook his favourite Ramyun again.

"Good Morning, Mom. And you're earlier than your usual time." Hoseok spoke, relaxation present in his tone. It was normal that he would speak informally towards his mom. Besides, it was only the two of them. Hoseok's dad had already passed away, but they have already moved on from that event. Since then, Hoseok had become close with his mom, thus getting the name 'Wonho', since his mom knew all of his being.

Hoseok wasn't straight. Sure, he acted like one, he had the body of one, and he had the face value of a straight guy. But his mind (and heart) is of bisexual nature. Though at this moment, only his mom knows, but he still acts straight, and he isn't having trouble with it.

"Because I was worried my son might eat Ramyun again. Now, go back to your room and prepare your stuff. I know it's still early, but you just patch things up so that what's left to do is to eat and then you're ready to go." Hoseok's mom said, a smile painted onto her face.

Hoseok nodded before going up to his room. As he walked up his stairs, he noticed once again the frames that hung on the wall. _Our old photos_ , he thought. He smiled as he saw his father smiling in one of the photos. He looked at it and touched the surface of the frame, wiping the region of his father's face, removing the dust. He smiled before he spoke to the frame, as if speaking to his own father.

"Good morning, Dad. Thank you. I'll always make you proud."

Hoseok wiped the surface of the frame once more before going up thestairs and entering his room. He still had a long day, anyway.

* * *

"Good morning, Hyungwon~!" Hoseok greeted. He laughed every time he sees his best friend, Hyungwon, inside the classroom. What disturbs Hoseok is that Hyunwoo always arrives earlier than him, but sleeps as soon as he gets to school. Apparently, he wakes up earlier but knows that he can't sleep any further at home.

As Hoseok had expected, Hyungwon didn't budge. Hoseok smiled at the other, even though he knew the other wouldn't be able to notice it. He sat beside the other, their usual classroom seats. As soon as he was seated, he looked at Hyungwon again and mouthed the words 'I love you' towards the other.

In all honesty, Hoseok loved Hyungwon. He had feelings for the other, feelings which he knew was more than being a best friend. However, he also knew that he wasn't allowed to express what he felt to the other. Hyungwon was straight, as well as with the fact that the other things that _both of them are straight_. Similar crushes, similar typical girls, similar hobbies. Those were the things that both of them had in common, but Hoseok had wished that they also had similar feelings.

Hyungwon lifted his head from his sleeping state. He rubbed his eyes before looking at his seatmate. He also shook his head and rubbed his eyes once more before, finally, yawning and speaking to his seatmate, not bothering to smile because he was still feeling sleepy. "Good Morning, Hoseok."

Hoseok smiled at the other, his face showing a 'finally you're awake' type of mood, but still smiling. "Have you done your homework?"

"What?! There was a homework?!" Hyungwon spoke, grabbing everyone's attention. Hoseok laughed at the other's reaction, even though he was already expecting this. It was usual for Hyungwon not to do his homework, but he still laughed every time he saw this side of Hyungwon. Sure, he was intelligent, but at times, he was really lazy and tended to forget homework.

Hoseok took something out of his bag. It was a piece of paper with a lot of words printed on it. It seemed to be an essay, but what caught Hyungwon's eyes was his name printed on top of the paper, _Chae Hyungwon_. Hoseok handed over the printed paper to Hyungwon before he spoke.

"I knew you wouldn't do your homework, so I did yours for you." Hoseok winked at him as Hyungwon scanned his homework, done by Hoseok for the nth time around. Hyungwon's mouth was agape, as he looked from the paper to Hoseok, who was still smiling at him.

"Thank you, Hoseok! I owe you another one!" Hyungwon spoke, as he placed the paper on top of his desk so that he could stand from his seat and hug Hoseok. He felt the warmth of Hyungwon's tall body against his, and the closed distance between the two of them made Hoseok's day already. He was no longer smiling. Rather, he was already grinning.

Hyungwon pulled away and went back to his seat. He was still smiling, for he wasn't really able to believe that Hoseok had done another homework for him. "Thank you very much, Hoseok! I love you~."

At those words, Hoseok's smile had faded. It was a good thing that their homeroom teacher, Miss Kang, had already arrived. _Just in time,_ he thought. Hoseok kept calm and waited for the greeting to be done before he raised his hand and asked for permission to go to the comfort room, for which he was immediately allowed. He walked towards the door, and as soon as it was closed, he ran to the comfort room. He entered one of the cubicles, and locked it as soon as he sat down the toilet bowl. After a few moments, he took out his handkerchief and covered his face to muffle the sound he would make as he shed tears. He didn't know why, but Hyungwon's words had triggered his feelings for him. He wanted to be happy and respond honestly to those words. But, deep inside, Hoseok knew one fact that stabbed his heart.

_If only those words were real._


	3. 02.

As soon as Hoseok was confident that he was already feeling fine, he left the cubicle and washed his face. He made sure that he was looking fine from his perspective. Feeling satisfied with his reflection in the mirror, he walked back towards their classroom, just in time that they were about to hand over their homework.

Hoseok walked back towards his seat, which was near the corner of the room, since Hyungwon's was at the corner. He saw the other throwing him a worried glance, before looking back at Miss Kang and submitting their homework. As he sat down, Hyungwon threw a folded paper on top of Hoseok's chair. He opened it, and smiled as he read the note.

_I was worried. I submitted your homework with mine. - Hyungwon_

He folded the note again, and raised a thumbs up to signal that he was doing fine. He also pointed at Miss Kang to signal that they should listen to her discussion. He kept the smile etched onto his face, but in reality, he was less than happy with what has happened.

As much as Hoseok wanted to focus onto listening to their Maths class, he couldn't remove Hyungwon off his head. He kept thinking about the other, what he would have thought with how he had reacted to his words earlier. He was scared that the other might find out about his secret. This thought alone had made Hoseok's heart ache. It send shivers down his spine.

"Hoseok?" Miss Kang had called. Apparently, it had been the second time that she had called him. Hoseok had looked at her as he stood up, a confused look in his face.

"I'm sorry, Miss Kang. Could you repeat your question?" Hoseok asked politely. Miss Kang sighed and repeated her question, for which Hoseok was able to answer. As he sat down, he noticed a folded paper on top of his desk. He unopened it, recognizing the handwriting on it.

_Are you okay? – Hyungwon_

Hoseok smiled as he read the note. Instead of doing the usual thumbs up, he took his pen and began writing back his response for Hyungwon. He reread his response before folding the paper and giving it back to Hyungwon:

_I'm fine. Thank you. :)_

As he passed the note, he met eye contact with Hyungwon, smiling at him. He blushed at Hyungwon's smile, making him look away. Hoseok feared that Hyungwon had noticed as the other laughed silently beside him as he opened the letter. Gladly, he didn't get a reply back and their class went normally for the day.

* * *

As soon as classes ended, Hoseok packed his things and began to leave the room. However, he was stopped as he was on the doorstep. He felt someone holding his wrist. When he looked back, it was Hyungwon.

"Leaving so soon?" Hyungwon asked.

Hoseok faced him as he spoke in a serious tone, not bothering to remove his hand from Hyungwon's grip. He liked it. "Yes. I have a few things to do at home, so I really have to go."

Hyungwon frowned upon hearing Hoseok's excuse. As much as he wanted to hang out with the other, he knew Hoseok was in a hurry, and he wasn't lying about it. He knew when Hoseok lied and when he didn't. With that, he let go of his hold on the other's wrist, smiling as he did. Hoseok smiled back before he ran off and out of sight. Finding no more reason to stay any longer in school, Hyungwon went back to his desk and gathered his belongings before carrying his bag and leaving the classroom.

On the other hand, Hoseok stopped when he figured he was far from the school. In reality, Hoseok hated it whenever he lied to Hyungwon and the other was convinced of it. He really didn't go home. He had to avoid Hyungwon. He did this every time he felt Hyungwon could sense that he actually loved the other _more than friend_. He had to be precautious with the other, for he knew that there was no place for him in terms of being 'more than friends'. He reminds himself of this whenever he looks back to a conversation that they had before:

"Hey Hoseok." Hyungwon calls. "Thanks for your support a while ago."

Hyungwon approached Hoseok and patted his back as he sat beside the other, leaving his arm resting on the other's shoulder. Hoseok smiled as he looked at Hyungwon.

"Of course. Anything for the best friend that I love." Hoseok responded.

"Aww. Thanks Hoseok. I love you."

"I love you too, Hyungwon."

"No homo though." Hyungwon responded as he hit Hoseok's back before standing up.

_No homo though._

Ever since that conversation, that line has remained on Hoseok's head. That conversation had always reminded Hoseok that he can never be in a romantic relationship with Hyungwon. He also knew that the other hated homosexuals so much, ever since that incident with their old friend.

_Lee Minhyuk..._

Hoseok still remembered how Hyungwon recounted the time Minhyuk, their former friend, confessed his love for Hyungwon and, at the same time, his sexuality. In his irritation, Hyungwon punched him in the face, threatening him not to appear again. He had an ill temper with the said topic, and ever since then, no one ever dared to mention Minhyuk's name whenever Hyungwon was there.

These were Hoseok's reminders to himself not to ever slip his real feelings for the other. _Whatever happens, my heart must remain as it is_.

_A secret._

 


	4. 03.

As soon as he arrived home, Hyungwon immediately went towards the stairs so that he can go to his room, without bothering to greet nor notice his father, which was seated on the sofa of their living room, facing the television.

Hyungwon closed the door behind him quickly, not wanting his father to notice his arrival. He always locked himself inside his room, never wanting anyone from outside to enter. He hated it. He never wanted anyone to enter his 'haven' – the only place in the world for him for which he finds peace.

_Peace..._

For Hyungwon, his house was nothing he would call a 'home'. He had somewhere to sleep in, but he had nowhere to dream in. He had a place to eat to, but not a venue to enjoy his meal. He had a shelter to call, but not as warm as it could be.

_Not because of that man..._

Hyungwon hated his father so much. Well, if he would call him his very one 'father'. Similar to his house, he had a 'father' to call, but not a _father,_ if you would ideally call it. It was a long story for Hyungwon, but he never talked much about his very own family, especially of the man that he had lived with right now.

He walked towards his bed and lay down, his feet still on the floor. He brought his phone to eye level and began typing a message. He had sent Hoseok a message informing him that he was already at his house.

Of all the people related to his life, Hoseok was the one who knew Hyungwon's past, as well as with his family background. And above all, it was Hoseok who understood him the most. If not for the other, Hyungwon may have probably been gone.

Hyungwon could still remember the time it all began. The time his misery swooped over his fortunate life. It was the time that his mother had found out a secret his father had long hidden from their family. A secret he wished he would have never found out.

_The secret that destroyed my whole life..._

Soon after finding out about this, his mom left Hyungwon and his father, not leaving a trace as to where she would go or what would happen to him. Hyungwon had tried to contact her via phone, but the operator would simply come up, informing that the number cannot be reached. At first, he had no idea why his mother had left, and his father had always assured that she would come back to them, because she loved them so much. Hyungwon had always waited for that day. The day that his mother would come back and take care of them once again, forming a complete family.

_But that day never came..._

Instead, what came in was a surprise for Hyungwon. It was also that day for which he started hating the man that brought him into this world. It was the day he had realized how much of a lie his whole life was. It was the day his ideals, his beliefs, his principles, and his personality had changed.

_It was the very day that had changed his life forever._

It was on this very same day, two years ago. That day had gone normal for Hyungwon and Hoseok. After class, the two of them would usually hang out somewhere in school and go home late. But that day was an exception, for it was a day before exams, and both of them had been warned that they had to study, otherwise, they would fail. Fearing the possibility of failure, they decided not to hang out and go home instead, to study.

Hyungwon usually walked from school to his house since it was not that far. Hoseok would ride the bus from the school. As they parted, Hyungwon began walking towards their house's direction. For an afternoon, it was unusually cold for Hyungwon. He felt the cold winds blow against his direction, as if warning that something dark would happen. Nevertheless, he continued his walk and soon after, arrived in front of their house. He had taken the key from his pocket, opened the door quietly, and went inside.

As soon as he was in, he was wondering why there were two pairs of shoes on the front door. He recognized one of the pairs as his father's, but he wasn't sure as to who the other shoe had belonged to. Nevertheless, Hyungwon removed his shoes and started walking quietly towards the stairs. As he passed by the living room, his eyes widened at the sight that he had seen.

He wasn't sure if his father had seen him, but as soon as he started running up the stairs and into his room, he heard his father shouting his name as he also began to chase him. Luckily, Hyungwon had made it inside his room and double-locked the door. Hyungwon feel to his knees, his whole being still in a shock. He wasn't able to believe what he had seen. He wanted to believe that it was all a lie, that it wasn't true. But his sanity and his awareness had told him that what he had just seen was true, that it was real. He was shocked to see the event with his own eyes.

_He was shocked to see his father making out... with another man._

Hyungwon began crying as the bits and pieces of the mystery of his mother's departure began falling into place. From the time that his mother had found out about his father's secret, to the very moment he has seen his father in such a state. Hyungwon had always believed that his father did not have any fault in the said secret, that it was all a misunderstanding, that everything was just a lack of communication.

_But it was all a lie..._

At that moment, Hyungwon realized that he too had to go far away and leave his father. He started packing his clothes and gathering his important belongings. In the midst of packing, Hyungwon heard a knock from his door and his father calling out to him.

"Hyungwon, please open the door. We need to talk," his father had called out. But Hyungwon did not listen to his father. He never wanted to talk to him. Focusing on his decision, Hyungwon dropped the bag on the window of his room. The moment he had dropped his bag, he heard his father inserting the key to his room onto the lock. He knew that moment that it wouldn't take long for him to open the second lock on the door. He had to act quickly.

He started fitting his thin frame out of the window, carefully laying his feet onto where they should be stepped onto. This wasn't the first time Hyungwon had climbed through the window and out of the house. After all, there were already a lot of instances for which he had escaped home just to be free for the night.

 _But tonight was different_...

As soon as he could climb out, Hyungwon immediately ran for it, with no specific place in mind for which he wanted to go to. Hyungwon ran through the night, with the moonlight shining upon him. He could feel eyes looking at him, even though he knew for a fact that he was alone. He could feel that he was being followed. He also felt that it was as if the moonlight was guiding his pursuer towards him, this mysterious being catching up to his heels.

_Faster..._

After a few minutes of running, Hyungwon found himself in front of Hoseok's house. He felt tired, but he knew that he had to hide inside his friend's house. He knocked madly at the door, the noise enough to wake up the dead. Hyungwon didn't care about the disruption he was making, for all he wanted was to make it to safety, for which was given to him, as a few moments later, Hoseok opened the door, seeing a sweat-soaked Hyungwon.

"Hyungwon! What are you doing?!" Hoseok asked, his tone giving a hint of surprise.

"I'll explain later. Please let me in!" Hyungwon informed. Hoseok sensed the urgency in Hyungwon's voice, and that was enough to make him act into letting the other enter his home and climb up to his room. As soon as both were inside Hoseok's room, Hyungwon began to tell the story of how he ended up in front of their house in the middle of the night. Hoseok listened carefully, as he could no longer sleep.

_It was indeed a long night..._

Hoseok recalled the story as he lay on his bed, remembering the reason why Hyungwon became homophobic. He could still remember all the details of Hyungwon's story, the night he was telling the tale vivid in his mind. It was in the same room for which he had been lying on, his own room. As he recalled this bitter past that his best friend had gone through, he could also remember the lines that Hyungwon had left before he fell asleep due to his exhaustion.

Whatever remains a mystery should remain as it is.

_A secret._


	5. 04.

_"Hyungwon." Minhyuk had called._

_Hyungwon had been sitting on a bench in the park, waiting for his two best friends. He hadn't expected Minhyuk to come early, knowing that the other was a sleepyhead, and that the time that they had adjusted was too early for Minhyuk, since it was a weekend._

_"Oh. Hello, Minhyuk. Just arrived?" Hyungwon asked, smiling at his other best friend. Minhyuk blushed at Hyungwon's smile, quickly looking away from Hyungwon, who was at the time staring at him._

_"Well... yes." Minhyuk had responded. Hyungwon smiled at Minhyuk's shy response, but he shook it off. However, what Hyungwon couldn't help notice was Minhyuk's awkwardness towards him. He wasn't usually like this, especially when he was with him and Hoseok._

_"Hey, Minhyuk... are you okay?" Hyungwon had asked. Minhyuk didn't respond. Instead, he sat near Hyungwon, closing the distance between the two of them. Hyungwon was surprised, which Minhyuk used to be an opportunity for him to close the distance between the two of them. He went closer, closer..._

_"Hyungwon... I like you. I do. Can we be... more than friends?" Minhyuk asked, his face feeling the heat Hyungwon's breath. Due to his experience, Hyungwon was getting nervous with the distance between the two of them. He was used to physical contact with his best friends, but this type of contact was unusually close for him, even though it was Minhyuk._

_He began pushing Minhyuk away, placing distance between the two of them again. As Minhyuk had expected, he was being pushed away, but he acted quickly, closing the distance between the two of them again. Being stronger than Hyungwon, he was able to succeed in closing the distance, placing a kiss on Hyungwon's cheek._

_Hyungwon felt himself no different from the man he despised. Being in a public place, he felt eyes looking at him, eyeing him, judging him. He felt useless, unwanted in society, weak. He wanted to be free from the situation he was in right now._

_I need to be free..._

_Hyungwon pushed Minhyuk hard, putting all his strength in one go. Minhyuk fell, sitting on the floor. He took this opportunity to escape. He began running away, far from the other. Shortly after, however, he felt Minhyuk chasing him._

_"Hyungwon! Wait!" Minhyuk had shouted, but Hyungwon did not pay attention. He continued running, looking straight ahead. He saw the pedestrian lane in front of him, but saw that the green light was blinking, signalling that it was almost going red. Hyungwon sped off, making sure that he would reach the other side. As he was crossing, he saw that the light had turned orange, and as soon as he was on the other side, he saw that the light was red._

_I was safe._

_However, as he looked at the road from where he came from. He saw Minhyuk, still running, as if he had no intention of stopping. Hyungwon had seen the red light, but Minhyuk continued running, eyes fixed at him, only him._

_"Minhyuk, stop!" Hyungwon had called._

_...but it was too late._

_The next thing that Hyungwon had seen was a bloody Minhyuk lying on the road as the black car sped off, leaving the crime scene. Hyungwon started moving towards Minhyuk's body, each step getting heavier as he got nearer towards Minhyuk's lifeless body._

_To Hyungwon's horror, Minhyuk had suddenly moved his head, eyes staring directly at him, anger evident in his gaze._

_"It was all your fault!" Minhyuk shouted. Hyungwon stepped back, but felt that he had stepped on another foot. He turned and saw his mother, throwing angry stares at him as well._

_"It was all your fault!" his mother had also shouted. Shortly after, a lot of people had approached and began shouting the same thing, as if a chant._

_It's all your fault!_

_Hyungwon began to see that the people were approaching them, forming a very large circle around them. Hyungwon began putting his hands to his ears, blocking his sense of hearing. But it didn't help, he still heard the people shouting, chanting, blaming him._

_It's all your fault!_

_Hyungwon began to feel his world closing in. He felt all the anger directed at him, throwing daggers at him, shortly killing him. The cries of the people started to deafen him, but it was as if all the noise in the world had disappeared, only the chants of the people flooding his ears._

_It's all your fault!_

"Ah!" Hyungwon had sat up from his bed, panting. _It was another nightmare,_ he thought. Hyungwon felt his whole body shaking. He wanted to stand up, but he couldn't. It was as if the weight of what has happened in the past came back.

_And I was to blame for it..._

Everyone knew it was an accident. Even Hoseok, who knew the whole story, believed it was an accident. But for Hyungwon, it wasn't an accident. It was something he was guilty for, a murder that had to be covered as an accident. A chapter that they have torn off the pages of his own book.

_A secret._


	6. 05.

As soon as he double-checked that the door was locked, Hyungwon descended from the stairs, but was surprised to see his father standing in the hallway, as if waiting for him. Hyungwon continued to walk, as if not seeing anyone. He bumped into his father before opening the door. Before he left, he heard his father speak, making him stop on his heels.

"Don't you know how to show respect? What have I ever done to receive this?" his father spoke, his voice crackling, obvious that he was about to break down. Hyungwon laughed, sarcasm evident in the sound he had made.

"Are you even joking?" Hyungwon spoke, emphasizing on every word he has spoken. If words would have killed, his father would have died with its intensity. Without waiting for an answer, Hyungwon left his house, slamming the door shut behind him. While placing headphones on both of his ears, Hyungwon made his way towards the bus stop. He no longer bothered to walk his way to school, as seeing the place where the 'accident' happened sent him the chills.

As soon as the bus had arrived, Hyungwon got in and quickly scanned the place for familiar faces. Sadly, Hoseok wasn't there for him, for which he had made his way towards the seat at the back. He sat at the back and closed his eyes.

On all his trips to school, he usually didn't have anyone sit beside him. Today, however, was different, for as the bus had stopped, one of the faces he had known in school rode the bus he was in, and the only vacant seat left in the bus was beside him.

_I'm doomed..._

Changkyun was one of the popular kids in school, known for being a troublemaker. He caused a lot of ruckus in school, but not even once was his name involved in any of those that he started. He always had something to do that made him get away with it. Everyone adored him, despite his true nature, which Hyungwon had hated the most.

_I hate bisexuals..._

Hyungwon didn't hate Changkyun. It was his orientation that made him feel this sense of hatred towards the other. He wanted to make sure that they don't talk, and the least that he'd want to do was to get another offense for hitting someone in the face just because they were people that he hated. He wouldn't want that.

_I just have to stay away..._

Andfor the rest of the journey, he did.

* * *

"Hey, Hyung–oh my gosh, what happened to you?!" Hoseok had shouted as soon as he saw Hyungwon at his usual seat, flashing him an I-haven't-had-enough-sleep kind of look. Well, he really didn't have much sleep.

"It's nothing, don't worry," Hyungwon had responded calmly to signal that he was really fine, but Hoseok was more than worried. Hyungwon had gotten used to it, as this was his 'motherly' side, as he would like to call it.

"But for me, you aren't," Hoseok had answered, still sounding worried. Hyungwon had laughed as he saw the other's facial reaction, but he simply let the other do his usual checks of placing the back of his hand in his neck to check temperature, the 'ah' that he asks the other to do to check if there are signs of illness. Finally, Hoseok sighed, signalling that he had given up and accepted that the other was indeed fine, just lacking sleep. Hoseok went back to his seat, feeling ashamed for being overactive. Hyungwon smiled as he stood up and motioned towards Hoseok's back, giving the other a back hug.

"W-what is t-this f-for?" Hoseok asked, obvious in his tone that he was surprised.

"It's for being caring for me." Hyungwon answered back, "I love you, Hoseok."

However, Hoseok did not respond. He was just looking down. Hyungwon wanted to ask why, but he knew the other had moments such as these. He didn't want to ask further, because he wouldn't get a proper answer.

In all honesty, Hyungwon always wanted to know why the other had mental breakdowns whenever there were times that people were being sweet towards him. Well, he was sweet, that was something Hyungwon was very sure about. However, whenever people had treated him nicely, or when they said nice words to him, he would always change his mood from being jolly to being moody. In rare cases, he would either cry or walk out, or do both. Hyungwon had always wondered why the other would always do this, but the reason why was well-hid by Hoseok.

Heck, Hyungwon wasn't even sure if he had all the right to know. Well, a part of him felt being cheated by his best friend for not telling him about this, even though the other knew almost everything about Hyungwon. _It just seemed unfair sometimes..._

Another part of Hyungwon told him that it was his fault the other was acting such. Even though Hoseok hadn't opened up this part of him towards Hyungwon, he felt that at some point it was his fault that the other had mental breakdowns. After all, Hoseok was always there for Hyungwon, but when was he there for Hoseok? He couldn't remember any instance that he helped the other. _None at all..._

Generally, the part of him that Hyungwon had followed was that he was to be the understanding best friend. After all, when Hyungwon was down, Hoseok was there for him and understood all of his burdens and worries. This is the least he can do for Hoseok. _The least I can do for my best friend..._

For now, Hyungwon understood everything, even though he knew nothing. He understood the fact that one day, Hoseok would be able to tell him the reasons why he was feeling such. Why he was having emotional breakdowns. Why, in the first place, he couldn't tell it to him. For now, he accepted the fact that the story behind it remains as it is.

_A secret._


	7. 06.

"Hey, Hyungwon. Wake up." Hoseok said as he gently shook the other, who was asleep on his desk. Apparently, his lack of sleep took its toll, as he had fallen asleep during their last period. Hoseok knew that if he kept on shaking the other, he would be mad at him. However, he knew that if he didn't wake up the other, he would probably be mad for leaving him alone, asleep inside the room.

Hoseok decided to shake the other a bit stronger than what he previously did. At last, this woke Hyungwon up, yawning, and gave him a confused look. "Has class already ended?"

Hoseok chuckled before he spoke, finding the other's facial expression adorable. _Well, when wasn't he?_

"Yes, it already had thirty minutes ago,"

Hyungwon's eyes went wide. "I slept that long?!"

Hoseok smiled, assuring the other that it was alright. "I already told our teachers that you didn't sleep well because something was up at home."

"You didn't have to cover for me, Hoseok."

"But I just did..." Hoseok said, his tone becoming serious.

"Why?" Hyungwon asked, feeling nervous with Hoseok's sudden seriousness. It was only the two of them that were inside their classroom, and Hoseok wasn't usually this serious whenever they were alone. He knew that Hyungwon felt uncomfortable whenever the other did that.

"It's because..."

Hyungwon felt more nervous as Hoseok did not finish his sentence. Rather, he leaned in towards him, closing the distance between the two of them. He could feel his sweat falling down from his temples, as Hoseok leaned further, his breath hitting that of Hyungwon's face. He closed his eyes in fear of what Hoseok might do, but after a few seconds, he heard the other whisper.

"...it's a secret."

As soon as Hoseok whispered, he immediately moved himself away from Hyungwon, laughing as he did. The other had opened his eyes, seeing Hoseok laughing hard on his seat. He frowned, and cleared his throat before speaking.

"That wasn't funny, Hoseok, and _you know that_."

Hoseok stopped laughing as he heard Hyungwon's very serious tone, but he was still wearing a hint of laughter on his face. He tried to calm down, but he was unable to do so, even though he had already seen Hyungwon frowning.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to try and make fun of you, but I guess you got really pissed off, so yeah, I am really sorry."

Hyungwon continued to frown, despite Hoseok's sincerity, as reflected in his eyes. However, despite his irritation with what Hoseok had done, he couldn't hide the fact that he wanted to forgive his best friend. After all, no one was ever there for him aside from Hoseok, so he really couldn't get mad at him for long.

"Alright. But on one favour..."

"Of course, anything for the one I love." Hoseok joked further, laughing as he did. Although he already knew the answer to his question, still, he insisted on having said the joke, subtly expressing his feelings. His desires. Even if he knows where the conversation would go.

_Even if it means hurting myself..._

"No homo though," Hyungwon laughed as he responded. "Well, I just wanted to stay here with you and talk about stuff. You know, just a few things I want to tell and catch up with you. I know we talk about a lot of things in social media, but of course, it's different when it's personal."

Hoseok gulped at Hyungwon's serious tone. He knew something was up, and he knew that he wasn't able to avoid this, considering what he just said. He knew there was no exit to this. It was only 5:12 PM that time, and it was a Friday, so there was surely no exit to this.

"U-umm... Sure. If that's what you want, I-I'd go ahead and stay here with you."

Hyungwon's face brightened, as Hoseok had perceived. He didn't know why, but he was sure staying here with the other would mean either he gets Hyungwon's soft spots, or his secret gets revealed.

_Anything but my secret..._

"But, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask..." Hoseok had continued, trying to stay calm despite his fear. "Why would you want to stay here? We can just go somewhere and talk about it."

"Because I figured that if I would ask you to go somewhere, you'd try to excuse yourself to go home early, or go somewhere."

_Shots fired._

Hyungwon's response hit Hoseok too hard. He didn't expect Hyungwon to be so straightforward, and he wasn't expecting the other to say such. He knew he had always skipped the other for a while now, avoiding him for both of their sake. It wasn't his plan to avoid him forever. It was just that he was still looking for a solution to his long-term problem.

_His secret._

"Now," Hyungwon continued, standing up and moving towards Hoseok, maintaining eye contact with the other. Hoseok felt more nervous with this gesture, and he felt that the more Hyungwon had closed in, the more he was being open with the other. "Would it be fine for me to ask why you are doing such?"

Hoseok gulped, his face just a few inches away from Hyungwon's. He could feel the other's eagerness to know why he was avoiding him, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to escape without an easy answer. A part of him wanted to be honest and tell Hyungwon the truth, about what he felt, about what he wanted them to be, about what he wanted to speak of all this time.

_But that would end this friendship..._

He had to think of an excuse. And fast. He knew that the longer it took for him to think about a solution, the more it would be doubtful for Hyungwon. He knew the other would easily know when he was telling the truth and when he was lying.

_Time's ticking..._

"Umm..." Hoseok spoke, still thinking, but he had already thought of something to say. "I'm helping mom at home. She had asked for my help these past days to clean up a few things at home, because she was expecting a few relatives to come, but she wouldn't be able to clean up because of work."

Hoseok had 'internally' sighed in relief as Hyungwon smiled and moved away, looking convinced with his answer. Hyungwon had moved back to his seat as he spoke, "If you would have told me, I should have helped you with it."

_If only it was true though..._

"But you know what," Hyungwon continued, "I missed the two of us talking like this."

"What do you mean?" Hoseok asked, confusion sapping onto his face. "We still talk on a daily basis. We still send text messages to each other, so I don't think nothing much has changed between the two of us."

"I wouldn't be asking you to stay here if nothing had changed, Hoseok."

_Another shot fired._

Afraid as he was to admit, a lot of things did change between the two of them, ever since Hoseok had realized his true feelings for the other. However, he also knew of the other's homophobic nature, for which was what he was trying to avoid. He wanted to help the other overcome his fear, but he didn't know how. Telling him he was a bisexual would scare the soul out of Hyungwon, and he might be shunned out of his life. For which was why he had resorted to the only plausible solution he had thought. And from that day on, he had avoided Hyungwon. But he never thought the other would notice that he was really placing a distance between the two of them.

"Alright, I give up." Hoseok responded, raising both of his hands, showing a gesture that he had surrendered, "Things did change. We no longer talk that much in person."

"See? I told you." Hyungwon had giggled, which Hoseok found cute. However, from being cute, Hyungwon had suddenly shifted to being serious, as he spoke, "Well, I wanted to talk to you today, to try to bring back what we had before. You know, I wanted to tell you a lot of stuff I just can't express in text."

At those words, Hoseok knew that Hyungwon wanted to talk about something. As his best friend, he should be there to listen to the other. Hoseok had blocked out that fact that Hyungwon was fine with talking through text messages, but he talked to people personally whenever it was something serious. And he knew that what they were about to talk about was no joke.

"Alright, go ahead. I'm all ears. What is it that you wanted to talk about?" Hoseok said. However, before Hyungwon was able to speak, tears started to form in his eyes. He had tried to open his mouth to speak, but instead of a sound, nothing was heard. Instead of words, tears had fallen from his eyes. The sight was too much for Hoseok, as he hadn't seen the other cry in a long time.

_It was too painful..._

Deciding it was the best thing to do right now, Hoseok stood up from where he was seated, and approached Hyungwon to give the other a hug. It was nothing special, just a hug of pure friendship. If there was a moment for Hoseok to set aside his feelings, now was the right time, that he could give nothing to his best friend but the warmth of his presence.

Hyungwon had cried harder the moment Hoseok had hugged him. But, in that very moment, he felt secured. He felt that everything outside of this world was beyond reach, and that he was safe in Hoseok's embrace. He wanted to stay there forever, but he knew he couldn't. One day, he would have to face the challenges that await him in the outside world.

For now, he wanted to keep whatever was in his heart hidden. He wanted to share it to the only person in the world whom he knows would understand him, but he couldn't find the courage to speak his heart right now. He knew the other would understand if he suddenly wouldn't want to speak right now, because it would be better to keep things in their current state.

_A secret._


	8. 07.

"I'm home." Hoseok had shouted, though he knew that his mom wasn't home yet. He was just used to it, shouting his mother's name even though she wasn't home. It was what he had always done whenever his father was still alive, his mother not yet working, just at home. Though it was already past 6 PM, his mother always arrived by 7:30 PM, since her work was in another city, and the traffic was jamming her to arrive earlier, even though her work ends at 5 PM.

To his surprise, his mother was already home, "Back so early, Hoseok?" his mother spoke as she went out of the kitchen, smiling at him. Hoseok was surprised by his mother being early, but he was happy. It was a long time since he had seen his own mother home earlier than him.

"Well, surprisingly, someone's early." Hoseok had joked.

"Yah! I'm your mother, remember that!" His mother smiled at him. Hoseok had gotten used to this, as he and his mother were very close. Whenever he spoke to his mother informally, she would usually take it as is since he knew that Hoseok was mature already. This also thought Hoseok to know when was the time to informally speak to his mother and when was the time to be serious.

"I know. And I love you so much, mom," he simply responded as he approached his mother and kissed her by the cheek. "Why are you early today?"

"Well, I wanted to spend time with my son, who was already locked up in his room by the time I arrive. I wanted to find time to ask you how you're doing." His mother had smiled at him. Well, Hoseok would admit that he had missed the times that he and his mother would talk about random stuff, but he missed the times that he had spoken to his mother about Hyungwon. She knew of his feelings for his best friend, and she was very supportive about it, but at the same time, discreet, especially if Hyungwon was with them.

"So," his mother continued as he gestured for Hoseok to sit down as she did on one of the seats opposite him. "How are you doing in school today?"

"Everything's fine, mom," Hoseok responded, "School is just as it is, stressful but fine. I still don't have much friends, but Hyungwon is still there with me. And you know how happy I am even though it's just him and me."

As Hoseok concluded, his mother smiled at him, feeling convinced with his story. "Well, how about Hyungwon? How is he doing?"

"Well," Hoseok began, uneasiness filling him, "he's doing fine right now. Actually, I would've been home earlier, but I had to be with him at school. I'm sure something happened to him, but he wouldn't talk. He just cried."

His mom's smile had faded upon hearing about what happened earlier to him and Hyungwon. "I'm happy that you have stayed with him as he did, but what did you do as he cried?"

"I hugged him. But it was harder than how I usually hug him." Hoseok simply responded. His mom had smiled. This wasn't her usual smile though, rather, this was one that seemed to express how proud she was of what his son had done.

"Well, I'm happy that you're able to express your feelings towards him right now," she spoke, "However, I want to remind you that you always have to be careful around him."

"Yes, mom. I know I have to know how to control my actions towards him, not to let my feelings get over my thinking." Hoseok simply responded. His mom had approached him and gave him another hug.

"That's my boy."

* * *

_"Hyung!" Hyungwon shouted._

_Hoseok had looked into the direction of the voice that had called him. He smiled as he saw Hyungwon running towards him._

_"I'm sorry I'm late again, hyung. Now, shall we?" Hyungwon smiled as he took Hoseok's hand into his own, intertwining their fingers. It was an honest smile, one of which reached Hoseok's heart and gave him the shivers. Hoseok smiled back. He was happy, after all. It was a dream come true._

_"Alright. But where do we go?" Hoseok asked, looking confused._

_"You know, you're cute when you look confused, baby."_

_Hyungwon had smiled at Hoseok once more before walking, tugging his hand, dragging the other to where he was going. As they walked, Hoseok had adjusted to walk beside Hyungwon, hands still intertwined, both walking side by side. They had a few unwelcome glances from the people around them, but they didn't care. Both of them were very happy._

_As they reached the park, they walked towards the grassy part and sat there. Hyungwon, on the other hand, rested his head on Hoseok's lap, which made the other blush. He looked away as Hyungwon looked straight at him, laughing at the other's gesture._

_"Hyung! Where are you looking?" he asked. Hoseok had responded, but he didn't look at the other._

_"Somewhere far."_

_"Why look far away, when I'm just here?"_

_Hoseok couldn't help himself but look at Hyungwon's head which was on his lap, but it was no longer there when he moved his head. It was just a few inches away from his own face, the warmth of Hyungwon's breath reaching Hoseok's face._

_"I love you, Hoseok..."_

_As soon as he said that, Hyungwon had leaned in and gave the other a chaste and soft kiss on the lips. It was nothing romantic, but it was too sweet of an innocent kiss. It was a kiss that had meant a lot of feelings for Hyungwon, but a lot of confusion for Hoseok._

As their lips parted, Hoseok woke up on his bed, his sweat flowing from his temples. _It was another dream_ , he thought. Hoseok had smiled, even though he knew that it was a dream that was far from coming true, a dream for which was very impossible. However, he smiled at the thought. He was happy with the interactions and fantasies that he had for his best friend in his dreams. As creepy as it sounds, it was the only hope that he could have, and he was satisfied with it.

As Hoseok stood up, he looked at the alarm clock that was on the table beside his bed. It read 4:12 AM. _Just in time to prepare for early morning weekend jogs,_ he thought. Without thinking of going back to bed, Hoseok stood up and went for his closet to look for his jogging attire. He was happy and energetic. His dreams were enough to keep him alive in his world full of despair.

On the other hand, in another house far away from Hoseok's, Hyungwon had been sitting on his own bed, still unable to believe the dream that he had. He couldn't imagine himself doing that, and he didn't want to do any of it either. Even though Hoseok was his best friend, the thought of the two of them kissing gave Hyungwon the chills. It was enough to revive his homophobic state, and he wanted to hate himself for being the one to initiate the kiss in his dream.

A part of Hyungwon wanted to tell it to his best friend, but another part of him wanted to keep it to himself. He didn't want to hurt the other, even though he knew the other would also take it as a joke and shake it off. He was struggling on what to do. He wanted to continue sleeping, but he was afraid that he would have the same dream, _or nightmare,_ that he had just awoken from.

Thinking about it, he realized that it would be more disgusting for him if it was his best friend kissing him. He couldn't stop thinking about his dream, and he knew that he couldn't tell the other about this. Hence, he had decided to keep it to himself, as he let the time pass by. He couldn't go anywhere this time of the day, it was only early morning. He just stared at the ceiling, repeating in his head what he had to do and how he wanted to keep his previous dream.

 _A secret_.


	9. 08.

"Hey, Hoseok," Changkyun had spoken as soon as Hoseok answered his call.

"What is it, Changkyun?"

"Nothing much," Changkyun continued, smirking as he did, even though he knew the other wouldn't be able to see him, "I just wanted to ask how you and your boyfriend are doing?"

Changkyun had heard Hoseok sigh upon him speaking about Hyungwon being his boyfriend. He had smiled as he heard Hoseok raise his tone, feeling the irritation from the other even though they were kilometres apart.

"Changkyun, I would like to repeat that Hyungwon is not my boyfriend. We're just best friends. Also, I want to let you know that if you're just calling to get on my nerves, please drop the phone as I have a lot of important things to do." Hoseok had spoken, emphasizing on the last sentence that he spoke. He really had a lot of things to do, and he wasn't in the mode to joke around with anyone right now, especially that he was already having problems with his feelings.

Surprisingly, Changkyun's tone had also changed, becoming more serious.

"When will you ever give me your time, Hoseok?"

"I don't have time for anyone who isn't even thinking about his studies right now. Heck, I don't even have time to for a troublemaker like you. I would rather–"

However, Hoseok was immediately cut off by Changkyun, speaking more aggressively than he usually does, "You wouldn't want to talk to me in that way, Hoseok. You know what I can do, and you know that I mean it when I say I can do it."

Upon hearing those words, the first person that came to Hoseok's mind was Hyungwon. He had feared Changkyun would do something to Hyungwon if he didn't do anything that would supress the other's anger. He knew a lot of the mischiefs the other had done, and he knew that doing nothing would lead this to somewhere unpleasant to him and Hyungwon.

"What do you exactly want, Changkyun?" Hoseok had spoken, his tone becoming a small inch softer than it was before, just to make sure the other won't notice that he was already getting his way, where in fact, he already was, and Hoseok wouldn't want to admit it.

"You."

And there was silence between the two of them. No one spoke, and the only sound coming from both of their phones were their own breaths. It was, for Hoseok, the longest awkward silence of his life. He had gotten used to the silence that he and Hyungwon had over the phone, but with Changkyun, it was something that he wasn't expected. He knew the other had feelings for Kihyun, and that he was head over heels for him. But never would he have thought of the possibility that he was another one of Changkyun's prospects.

"Stop joking," Hoseok had simply spoken, "You're into Kihyun, right? You shouldn't even be interested in–"

"But, I am, Hoseok," Changkyun cut him off again, immediately stopping the other from finishing what he had to say, "I wouldn't be giving you a hard time right now if I wasn't into you, right? Remember what I did to Kihyun?"

And, yes, Hoseok clearly remembers what Changkyun had done to make the other move schools. That was their previous year. Kihyun was one of the top students of their batch, which was how Minhyuk had gotten to know him. Because he was obsessed with him, Changkyun did everything he could so that Kihyun would notice him. He would wait for him from the bus stop, wait outside his classroom to have lunch with him, and would go with him until Kihyun reached home. At first, it was fine for Kihyun, but things got serious the moment Changkyun found out about Hyunwoo.

_And things got serious by then..._

Hyunwoo was Kihyun's boyfriend. He was already in college, but was also working part time in a café that was near his university. It was their exams during the time for, for which was why he wasn't able to drop by and spend time with Kihyun that much. He wanted to surprise the other, hence, he had stayed outside of his school to wait for him.

However, to his surprise, he saw Kihyun, walking side-by-side with another man, his arm hanging over the other's shoulder. And to Hyunwoo's pain, both of them were happy.

_Very happy..._

Due to his irritation, he left without even the thought of surprising Kihyun. A day after the incident, news broke out in campus that Kihyun had broken with his boyfriend because of Changkyun. As much as he felt sorry for the other, deep inside, Changkyun was happy that he was able to separate the two of them, thus he had the chance. And he took advantage of the event that he succeeded in doing.

During the time the break up was fresh, Changkyun comforted Kihyun, saying only nice things towards him, but Kihyun had seen through him, that Changkyun was the person behind their break up. He avoided Changkyun, doing his best to get away from the other, not to see him, nor to encounter him. Kihyun never wanted to avoid anyone, but he had to do so for Changkyun, as if it was him that had done wrong. But, it was Changkyun that was harassing him, to the point that Kihyun never wanted to go to school anymore, but he also didn't want to fail his parents for being a mess in school.

One day, Kihyun didn't go to school anymore. At first, they thought the other was just not feeling well, because Kihyun was still human, not going to school whenever he was not feeling well. However, days have passed and Kihyun still had not appeared in school. After a week, Hoseok decided to visit his friend, to check on him. He knew something wasn't right with Kihyun. He wasn't responding to text messages, nor was he answering phone calls.

And he proved himself right, for when he arrived at their doorstep, he found out that Kihyun was at the hospital, still recovering from what he had done. He had attempted suicide by medicine overdose, because he was already scared of seeing Changkyun, getting harassed by him, getting stalked, being followed by the other. He wanted to end it, but he couldn't think rationally, hence, he had resorted to such methods.

Another week has passed, and their school had officially announced that Kihyun had transferred to another school. He was never heard of again, nor of what had happened to him. Changkyun was able to slip through what he had done cleanly, not getting blamed for Kihyun's attempts to end his life. He was successful.

_And he was at it again..._

"D-don't you ever dare lay a finger on Hyungwon, Changkyun. I'm telling you, I won't forgive you as soon as you do s-something to him," Hoseok spoke, his tone being firm yet he couldn't hide his trembling voice. He didn't get words as a response. Instead, he heard laughter. Sarcastic laughter.

"Oh, but I will, Hoseok. If I don't get a response from you within two days, I'll have to resort drastic measures, even if it means that you won't like me back. It's either you let me in your life, or you lose Hyungwon. The choice is yours."

And the line went dead.

Hoseok sat on his bed, unsure of what to do. He had a choice, but the choice was very difficult. He could choose to be with Changkyun, but it would reveal his sexual preference, and Hyungwon would probably hate him because of it. He really wanted to ignore Changkyun, but he could predict that the other would do something to expose his true nature, thus making sure that his and Hyungwon's friendship would be destroyed. It was a difficult choice indeed.

_It was a lose-lose situation..._

But nevertheless, he wanted to act. He wanted to do something to make sure they were at peace, or rather, the chances of casualties being produced be minimal. But overall, he wanted to make sure that Hyungwon had the peace he deserved. He didn't want anyone bothering the other, even if it means sacrificing a few promises, even if it means revealing something meant to be hidden. For now, he needed to act, and fast. However, with his actions, he needed to make sure that all his decisions and all his actions would remain hidden for the other. The time would come that he would tell Hyungwon everything he would have done, in the right moment, in the right setting, in the right tone, and in the right opportunity. For now, he had to keep everything behind doors. He had to do everything to make sure the other won't notice. He had to act in a manner similar to how he treats his sexual orientation.

_A secret._


	10. 09.

"Honey, are you okay?" His mom had asked. It was just morning, and Hoseok was acting strange as per his mom's belief. Most of the time, whenever the two of them ate, Hoseok would finish his food first, since he had didn't want to rush to school, but this time, Hoseok wasn't even halfway through what he was eating.

Hoseok was startled when his mom had called him, but he immediately regained himself and simply smiled at his mom and nodded at her, signaling that he was fine. His mom was obviously not convinced at this, but since she knew Hoseok's personality, it was better not to ask further and just wait for the other to open up.

"Honey, please clean up the table for me as soon as you're finished. I have to go, I can't be late for work," his mom spoke as she approached him, leaning to give him a kiss on the cheeks, and waving at him before she went towards the door.

As soon as Hoseok heard the door close, he immediately put away his food and threw it in the trash, as he didn't have the appetite to eat a single food. When he was finished cleaning the table, he immediately went up to his room and took his phone. He sent a message to Hyungwon, worried sick about the other.

Admittingly, Hoseok didn't really want to worry about Hyungwon. However, knowing how Changkyun would play, he was really feeling pressured with how he would act against him. Whenever Changkyun didn't get what he wants initially, he would do everything to get it, even if it means him playing dirty. He would get out of it clean, anyway.

_Hey Hyungwon, are you going to school today? – Hoseok._

Hoseok weighed the possibility of Hyungwon already knowing about Hoseok's feelings, but choosing not to speak. He was really nervous whenever the topic of 'who you like' was actually brought up, especially when the two of them were there. There were even rumors about the two of them already dating, but it wasn't as loud as your usual bullying rumors and the likes. The people in their school wouldn't even have the time to talk about them, especially that they weren't doing anything obvious.

_Or were they...?_

Hoseok felt his phone vibrate in his hand. He immediately looked at the screen and found that he received a text message from Hyungwon. He immediately tapped it open and read its contents:

_Probably not, I'm staying at home. I don't have the vibes to go to school. Lol. Why? – Hyungwon._

Truthfully, Hoseok also didn't feel like going to school today. He wanted to hang out with Hyungwon, since he missed spending a whole day with the other. He knew he would be in trouble if his mom actually found out that he didn't go to school today, but that would be a different matter. Hence, he decided not to go to school instead.

_I also don't feel like going to school today. Lol. Can I hang out at your place? – Hoseok_

Hoseok honestly felt nervous. He felt as if he knew nothing about Hyungwon, even though they were best friends. Most of the time, he knew what Hyungwon would respond whenever he was being asked something. But, this time, he didn't know what the other would say.

And then, at that moment, he felt his phone vibrate.

_Sure. The guy here already left, so it's fine. – Hyungwon._

_Just bring food though. I'm hungry. – Hyungwon._

Hoseok laughed at Hyungwon's follow-up message, but he smiled at his first response. _He agreed_. He couldn't believe that the other would just agree to him skipping classes. He wondered why, but he didn't have time for that. He changed to a pair of ripped jeans and a white sleeveless shirt, nothing special. He took his bag and left for Hyungwon's house. Of course, he passed by the nearest supermarket to buy his favorite food, that he was sure Hyungwon would also enjoy – Ramyun.

As soon as Hoseok was in front of Hyungwon's house, even though it wasn't that hot of a day, he was sweating due to the fact that he was feeling nervous. Each time he had knocked on the door of Hyungwon's house, he could feel his heart pounding as well. He was about to take out his phone and send Hyungwon a text message when the door opened, revealing Hyungwon wearing sweatpants and... _just_ sweatpants.

It wasn't actually his first time seeing Hyungwon topless, but he was honestly not prepared for seeing him like that. He looked at the other's thin figure, seeing the other's well-toned abs. Hyungwon was very skinny, but that didn't stop him from not having abs as well. He had used that to his advantage, his slim figure giving emphasis to the packs that were his abs.

Hoseok was speechless upon looking at Hyungwon from his lower body to his face, then back to his lower body, then he realized that Hyungwon was just in front of him, for which causes him to blush and avert his gaze to his right, looking at a few plants, but it was enough to divert his attention. Hyungwon chuckled upon seeing Hoseok blushing. As strange as it was for him, whenever Hoseok had blushed, Hyungwon found it cute. He was supposed to be made, right? He was homophobic. _I guess it's different if it's your best friend though,_ he thought.

"Come in," Hyungwon had gestured for the other to enter his house, for which the other had followed. Hoseok had come in here several times, so he already knew where Hyungwon's room was. However, Hoseok had come to realize that it has been a while ever since he had come here, since he was avoiding Hyungwon.

Looking back at the time he had talked with Changkyun over the phone, he had realized that avoiding Hyungwon only made his feelings for him grow. He had missed the other, both physically and emotionally. He missed the times they would hang out somewhere after school. He missed the times he had talked to the other for hours about stupid things, but they still found it amusing. He missed the times he laughed with the other, because those were the best times for him. He also missed the times that they would just lie down beside each other, gazes both at either the ceiling or the sky.

_He seriously missed Hyungwon..._

When Hoseok had entered Hyungwon's room, he frowned at the first thing that he saw. He waited for Hyungwon to go upstairs before he spoke to the other, his tone obviously showing that he was not fine with what he saw.

"Could you please explain why you have _that_ in your room?" Hoseok had sharply asked, pointing at the bottles of soju on top of the other's table. Hyungwon looked to where Hoseok had pointed, and he smiled as he saw what the other was referring to.

"Well, I figured that since it's been a while that the two of us had time like this and since we're skipping school, I thought we should have a drink."

Hoseok looked at him, eyes showing disbelief. "Hyungwon, are you really okay?"

"I am, Hoseok," Hyungwon had simply responded, looking the other directly in the eyes, which causes Hoseok to feel _hot_ all of a sudden, fighting with all his might to avoid his gaze. It would be obvious that he had feelings for the other if he suddenly averted his gaze again.

Hyungwon broke their eye contact and walked towards his table to get two bottles of soju. He went to the middle of the room and sat down, not even bothering to put anything on to cover his body. He gestured for the other to sit, for which Hoseok follows. The moment Hoseok sits down, Hyungwon hands one of the bottles of soju to him before he starts drinking from his own bottle.

"So," Hyungwon was the first to start the conversation, making Hoseok nervous while he was drinking from his own bottle, "what were you up to these past days?"

Hyungwon's question was very out of the blue, and Hoseok wasn't really expecting it to be the first thing that they would talk about. He thought that the recent conversation they had was enough for the two of them to skip the topic, but it actually caught him off guard.

"W-well, I've been busy with stuff at home. Remember what I told you before?" Hoseok had answered.

"Right. I remember that," Hyungwon had replied, drinking from his bottle again. The two had talked about random stuff, such as people in school, making fun of a few stupid things again, things that they have done before that Hoseok had missed. They were also able to finish a few bottles already, and Hyungwon was beginning to feel drunk. Hoseok, on the other hand, was a slow drinker so he was still sober.

Hyungwon had stood up to get another bottle from his table, however, he had tripped halfway through, causing his body to fall towards Hoseok. Since he was still sober, Hoseok was able to catch the other, Hyungwon falling into Hoseok's arms. Hyungwon had shook his head, feeling a bit dizzy from the fall. Hoseok, on the other hand, was blushing harder than ever with the sudden contact of Hyungwon's bare body on his arms, his hands just above his abs, his position was showing that he was as if hugging Hyungwon from behind. He was already feeling the butterflies in his stomach, when Hyungwon spoke.

"Can we stay like this for a bit?"

If he would probably blush harder than he would, Hoseok could already be burning red. He didn't know how to respond, but he felt Hyungwon adjusting his body so that his head would be leaning on Hoseok's shoulder. They stayed like that for a few moments until Hyungwon had spoken, once again breaking the silence, catching Hoseok off guard.

"Hoseok, do you like me?"

He wasn't prepared for this. He didn't expect the question to be asked out of the blue, and he didn't expect that Hyungwon himself would be the first one to ask him. He felt his sweat fall from his temples, feeling more nervous that he was previously. He didn't know how to respond, and he wasn't sure how to. He wanted Hyungwon to just fall asleep, because as he looked at the other's eyes, they were about to fall, but it seemed like forever to wait for him to fall asleep. Hyungwon moved, almost falling as he was sitting himself up from leaning at Hoseok, turning around to look at Hoseok directly in the eyes.

Hoseok knew it was useless to ignore the other, for he was already staring at him, obvious that he was waiting for an answer. Hoseok had stared back, and they had stayed like that for a few seconds. They did nothing but stare at each other. Hyungwon was just about to give up on his question, he was about to go ahead and stand up to get another bottle of soju.

Until Hoseok had kissed him.


	11. 10.

_I kissed him._

Hoseok didn't know where he got the courage to close the distance between them. He was guessing it was an effect of the soju he had been drinking, but he wasn't really sure that was the case. By now, he should have pulled off and broke the kiss, but it seemed that he liked it _more than he should_ , staying in that position for God knows how long.

After what seemed to be like forever, Hoseok had finally broken the kiss, placing a distance between the two of them once again. He couldn't stare at Hyungwon, but he was sure that the other was blankly looking at him, probably processing what had just happened.

_I kissed him._

Hoseok really wanted to just answer the question Hyungwon had given him. The question was still echoing in his mind, and it resonated in his head like a ritual prayer, being the center of Hoseok's mind, leaving him lost in thoughts

_Hoseok, do you like me?_

_Yes, I fucking do, Hyungwon,_ Hoseok had thought. He was about to say that sentence. He was about to answer, but he didn't know where he got the idea of not answering and instead, kissing the other male. He was desperate for his lips, for his touch, for everything about Hyungwon, but he wasn't prepared for the outcome.

The atmosphere between the two of them was still as awkward and as silent as ever. No one attempted to speak. Hoseok looked up slowly to check on Hyungwon, finding the other still blankly staring at him, unsure of what he was thinking. He thought that the best way to avoid all of this was to leave. Quietly.

Making up his mind, Hoseok stood up and took his bag before he went straight towards Hyungwon's door. He took one last look at Hyungwon, who was, this time, staring blankly into space. He appreciated the other's cute figure before he went out of the room, closing the door slowly. Hoseok went for the stairs, slowly going down, each step feeling like a trample to his own heart. He was fearing for what Hyungwon would do when he snaps out of his trance, realizing what Hoseok had just did. He wouldn't know how to react to that, and he wouldn't know how the other would treat him from this day moving forward.

Hoseok had thought initially that Hyungwon might call him names, since Hyungwon already has an idea of what he really was. He immediately brushed the thought. It was too painful, that his own best friend would probably be calling him a _faggot_ , at worst. It was not his fault anyway. It was Hoseok's fault, as much as he would hate to admit. He was the one who started to close the distance between the two of them, kissing him. He was the one who started to turn things this way. He caused the pain for himself, ending the only thing that was between him and Hyungwon.

As Hoseok saw the door, he felt every footstep he made seemed to take forever to reach it. He wanted to get out already. He felt ashamed for what he did, being sorry for himself that he will now be alone. He felt bad for kissing Hyungwon, because it will probably increase his hatred against homosexuals. He didn't like their presence, regardless of who they were. His own father was an example.

As his right hand reached for the doorknob, he felt his tears falling down. Along with that, he also felt soft hands holding onto his left hand, stopping him from opening the door. He was surprised with Hyungwon being able to immediately catch up with him, but he also felt scared of what the other might say. He didn't want to hear anything negative from him, which was why he was willing to leave and not come back.

"Where are you going?" Hyungwon asked, his tone calm, different from what Hoseok had expected. He wanted to turn to look at Hyungwon, but he couldn't. He simply responded, his back still facing Hyungwon's.

"I-I'm leaving, Hyungwon. Can't you see?" Hoseok spoke sharply, not wanting to waste any more time. The longer he stayed, the higher the probability that he would hear something bad from Hyungwon. For him, that would be the most painful experience.

_Being hated by the one you love..._

"Why?" Hyungwon simply asked. Hoseok didn't respond. He was already feeling nervous with Hyungwon's unexpected actions, when he felt the other spinning him and suddenly pinning him to the door, his hand above his head. Hyungwon was looking at him directly in the eyes, his expression still calm. Hoseok was already very confused with how this was going, however he also knew that the other could stay calm, but he was already angry.

Hoseok stared back at the other, being unable to answer. He was numb from what the other was doing, being pinned to the door, being stared at. He felt that at any moment, Hyungwon could punch him. He had every right to do so.

"Why?" Hyungwon asked once again, still waiting for a response from Hoseok. The other didn't know how to respond. He didn't know the right words that would probably make the anger in the other lessen. He didn't know what to say, so he kept quiet. Hyungwon was getting impatient, as it was very obvious with how he acted. He was getting closer to the other, much closer than what he had expected.

"If you can't answer me," Hyungwon said, finally snapping from impatience, "then I'll have to make you tell me."

At those words, Hoseok had closed his eyes. He was prepared for pain. He was expecting it. He already foresaw himself going home with a black circle around his eye, thinking of the best explanation that he could give to his mom on how he ended up having the said mark on his eye.

Instead, he felt warmth. He was surprised. _What was it?_

As Hoseok opened his eyes, he saw Hyungwon's face very close. Until it dawned on him on what the other had actually done, as he felt his soft, plump lips on his.

_Hyungwon had kissed him back._


	12. 11.

"If you can't answer me, then I'll have to make you tell me." Hyungwon simply responded. He knew he had control over Hoseok, as the other would fear for what he has done.

 _Hoseok kissed me_ , Hyungwon thought. That was enough reason for him to be mad at him. He had all the reason to be, after all. His best friend took advantage of his drunken state, while Hyungwon felt guilty as well, for acting drunk, though he was already halfway getting there. He had a lot of thoughts in his mind, and seeing that his best friend was acting all sweet suddenly to him, he immediately figured that Hoseok _might_ be gay.

Hyungwon didn't understand at first, but he knew Hoseok always had his reasons. Everything Hoseok did, he had a logical explanation to why he was able to do it, and it always turned out right. He always believed in Hoseok.

_But the end does not justify the mean..._

For this case, he continually asked Hoseok. He didn't know what the other's reason would be. He was expecting something logical, something believable, something right. He always knew Hoseok had a reason for what he did, but this time, no words came out of his mouth. He had no explanation. He had nothing, but silence.

Looking at Hoseok, he saw that the other was already closing his eyes, slightly shaking. He knew that the other feared what he could do. He knew that he can inflict pain to him, even though he was his best friend. But that was not what was in his mind as he leaned in and closed the distance between them, letting his plump lips touch that of Hoseok's.

_He kissed Hoseok._

Hyungwon didn't know why he was brave enough to overcome his homophobia. He hated homosexuality, to the point that even people liking both sexes had become an allergy for him. He hated anything involving male-to-male relationships. He despised people who were proud of being bisexuals or homosexuals, specifically gay people.

_But why did he do it?_

Curiosity.

That was the only word that was on his mind as he felt Hoseok's soft, warm lips on his, feeling the warmth of his breath inside him. This was not Hyungwon's first kiss. He had his first kiss with his ex-girlfriend, but he could distinguish the difference between the two, because as much as he wanted to deny it, he finally understood why homosexuals where such.

_He liked it._

Hyungwon wanted to stay like that. He wanted to kiss Hoseok longer, because the feeling he had was indescribable. Hoseok's lips were very addictive. He wanted more, but he knew that he would surprise the other if he had a sudden change of heart, nor if he would make rash decisions without thinking this through.

And with that, he had parted his lips with Hoseok's, leaving the other wide-eyed, surprised as ever. Hyungwon stayed calm, he had to. He didn't smile, nor frown. He just kept a blank expression as he looked at Hoseok, who was still surprised. He was looking at him, straight in the eyes, as he spoke.

"So, why?"

Hoseok lifted his hands and touched his lips, making sure that the feeling he had was real. He couldn't believe it himself, that Hyungwon was the one who initiated their second kiss. _His_ second kiss. He wanted to run and disappear in front of the other. He wasn't ready to answer his question. He can answer them, but he didn't know if now was the right time.

_Well, now or never..._

"Do you li-"

"Yes, I do, Chae Hyungwon! I like you!" Hoseok immediately shouts, cutting him off from what he said. After Hoseok's confession, silence filled in the space between the two of them. The two of them had been looking each other both in the eyes. The only sound that they could here were their breaths, and if audible enough, their heartbeats.

None of them dared to speak. They both had feelings for which were holding them back from breaking the deafening silence. Hoseok wanted to further explain what he said, but he didn't want to be misunderstood. Hyungwon wanted to respond to what he felt, but he was afraid to be misunderstood, to be persuaded, for he could snap at that very moment.

At the time that they were staring at each other, Hyungwon had appreciated Hoseok's beautiful façade. He liked his milky white skin, his eyes that seemed to see through your soul. He liked his eyes, his ears, his cheeks, his nose, and most importantly, his lips. He felt a lump in his throat, as well as his heart beating faster that it was before as he appreciated Hoseok's appearance. He was simply _beautiful._

They broke out of their trance when Hoseok's phone rang. He immediately took it out and looked at the caller ID. He frowned, and looked back at Hyungwon, "I-I have t-to go, my mom's calling me."

Hyungwon didn't have time to react when what Hoseok had said sunk into him, because the other was already closing the door. He couldn't go out of their place because he was still shirtless, and it would be a sight if he would be running for the other. He simply peered through the window as he looked at Hoseok, walking away from his house as he was talking to someone over the phone. He waited for him to be out of sight before going back to his room.

And, in all honesty, Hyungwon felt that the space in his bedroom suddenly felt too big, too empty. He felt that something was missing, _or someone_. It didn't feel right inside his room. It felt incomplete, it felt so lonely, so _sad_.

At that same moment, Hyungwon had accepted the reality of his feelings. He knew it was all brand new, but he never hesitated to accept the feeling. He knew that there was a lot to consider and discover about this new feeling of his, but he still wholeheartedly took it in his system, into his whole being. He never questioned it for now, because it felt right, and he liked it. He, however, wanted to keep it a hidden for now, especially from Hoseok.

A secret.


	13. 12.

Hoseok hated the moments when he had lied to Hyungwon. He really didn't want to leave Hyungwon's place just yet. He wanted to talk to that person more, speaking his heart out. He wanted to tell him everything of what he felt about Hyungwon, now that he had confessed to him.

_Yes, I do, Chae Hyungwon! I like you!_

Those words that he had said resonated in his head several times as he walked out of Hyungwon's house. _I just told him I like him_ , he thought. It was still sinking onto him, that those words actually came out of his mouth. Maybe the soju that he drank had brought the extra confidence that made him spill out the beans.

With his phone on his ear, he had answered back to the caller ID for which was _actually_ not his mom, but was someone else, someone he wasn't really expecting. He was pissed off that he had disturbed the only chance that he had, but he also doubted himself whether he could confess further, so he was thankful for the call to some extent.

"What exactly do you want?" Hoseok asked, raising his voice because the irritation had naturally crept onto him, upon finding out who the caller was. He was only able to hear a chuckle before the voice on the other line had spoken.

"You."

 _Changkyun_.

"I don't have time to play, Changkyun." Hoseok asked sharply, which was returned with another chuckle.

"Well, I don't either," Changkyun responded, his voice getting sharp. "Where are you?"

"In school," Hoseok lied, trying to sound convincing.

"Liar."

Changkyun's voice had a fierce and sharp tone. Hoseok hadn't expected such a tone from Changkyun, knowing that he could have a soft side for him. _He likes me, right? He should be at least soft..._

"I'm in front of your classroom right now, and I don't even see a hint of you nor of your pesky soon-to-be ex-boyfriend," Changkyun spoke further, his tone still sharp, "Where are you? Are you with him?"

Hoseok was feeling irritated with how Changkyun had been asking him continuously. The tension between them was building up, and with Hoseok's short temper, he couldn't contain his anger anymore. He had harshly responded to the other, his tone sharper than Changkyun's, emphasizing on every word that came out of his mouth.

"Who are you to even ask those questions? You're not a part of my life, Changkyun, and you never will!"

After which, Hoseok dropped the line. He was no longer interested with Changkyun, and he didn't want to talk to him any further. Hoseok wanted to go back to Hyungwon's place, but he knew that he had lied to the other about it. Also, he was still feeling flustered with his confession. Hence, he decided to walk home and think about the consequences of what happened between them with Hyungwon.

However, Hoseok would like to admit that he had liked what Hyungwon had done to him. He liked the kiss. Deep inside him, a glimmer of hope sparkled with the fact that Hyungwon had kissed him back. He was surprised, but at the same time, happy with the other's action.

Hoseok had been too deep in thought that he didn't realize that he had reached home already. He tried to get his spare key from his pocket, but he realized that it was missing. He searched through his pockets again, to make sure, but he really couldn't find it.

And, at that moment, Hoseok had removed all of his doubts from his mind and started running fast. He had to go back to where he came from.

 _He left his keys at Hyungwon's place._ "

* * *

Hyungwon was still lost in thoughts. He wasn't sober, that was for sure. He knew for himself that he was drunk, but he liked the feeling. It gave him extra confidence and more reason to go over the previous events that had occurred between him and Hoseok. He also knew that he had just overcome his homophobia, not only because he was kissed by his best friend, but because he also kissed back.

_And for the record, it feels great..._

The feeling for Hyungwon was radical, but at the same time, magical. Radical, in a sense that he knew his beliefs were having a conflict with his actions. He couldn't find any reason why he had kissed Hoseok back, considering that he was homophobic. Also, he wanted to punch himself in the face, because at some extent, he was still disgusted with what he did. It was simply unacceptable at some point.

But, at the same time, the feeling of his best friend's lips on his was pure bliss. It was an indescribable feeling for him, which made his heart flutter, time stopping around them, everything staying still. It was as if nothing else mattered in the world but the presence of Hoseok near him, his warmth reaching Hyungwon's naked body.

Hyungwon didn't know if it was time for him to accept the fact that homosexuality was already accepted in society. He wanted to hug the fact, but his trauma had been the only reason blocking him. He blamed homosexuality for the reason behind his broken family. He blamed the said social status as the reason why he had grown up closed-minded with the belief that society should despise same-sex relationships.

He was disturbed from his thoughts when he heard the doorbell ring. Hyungwon had wondered who it was, as it was very unusual for anyone to ring the doorbell. He didn't get guests any time of the year, so he was really wondering who it was.

Hesitating on whether he should open the door, Hyungwon had realized that he was still naked. He took a sweater and wore it, the soft fabric sliding through his thin frame. He went out of his room and down his stairs, still thinking twice on whether he should open the door. Since he was already downstairs, he thought that he should open it to see who it was. _There's no harm in it anyway, right?_

But the moment Hyungwon opened the door, his jaw dropped, leaving his mouth agape. He was surprised to see his unexpected guest.

"Hello, Hyungwon. How are you?"

 _Im Changkyun_.


	14. 13.

"Hello, Hyungwon. How are you?"

Hyungwon was confused and at the same time, surprised to see that Changkyun was in front of his house. _Why is he even visiting me?_

"What are you doing here?" Hyungwon asked sharply, eyeing Changkyun from head to toe. He was really confused as to why the other had come. They weren't even close, so whatever was his reason, Hyungwon had thought that it may have something to do with him or someone close to him. Changkyun chuckled.

"Well, I just came from school and saw Hoseok coming out of this house. I wanted to know why he was here, since he wasn't in school. Would you mind letting me know?"

Hyungwon gulped upon hearing what Changkyun had to say. He was right, Hoseok and himself didn't go to school. He asked Hoseok to go over at his place. He asked Hoseok to drink with him. He kissed Hoseok.

_Kissed..._

The thought of Hoseok's lips on his made Hyungwon blush hard. He wanted to hide it, however, Changkyun was able to notice the redness of the other's cheeks. He smirked, seeing the other triggered. _Very triggered..._

"W-well, he slept over s-since I asked him to," Hyungwon responded, his voice becoming shaky. He didn't know how to safely respond, hence, he responded with the first thing that came to his mind. He didn't know, it would actually be the most dangerous response.

"And why did he sleep over? If you don't mind me asking."

Hyungwon couldn't respond. In fact, he realized he could be done for. Knowing Changkyun, he knew that any response could give will be something that will be used against him. Anything he will say will be used against him. He was lost in thoughts, unsure of what to actually say. He didn't know what to do. He just stood there, speechless, looking down, while a pair of dark brown orbs stared directly into him, as if going through his soul.

"It's okay, I understand if you don't actually want to answer," Changkyun spoke, breaking the silence. When Hyungwon looked up to him, he was smiling. The smile was too... _bright?_

He wasn't sure how it looked like, but it was actually too bright.

"I should be going now," Changkyun spoke once more, before actually leaning closer to Hyungwon. He whispered something to his ear, which actually echoed in his mind.

"Be careful of Hoseok. You don't know who he actually is."

Hyungwon stepped back, feeling nervous and wary, remembering _who_ Changkyun actually was. He remembered what he despised. He remembered his true character. He remembered what he just did – and he hated it. He started to hate that he actually drank too much. He started to hate the fact that he did something he despised long ago. He hated the fact that he kissed someone of the same gender. He hated the fact that he kissed a male.

_He hated the fact that he kissed his best friend._

And now, he started to hate his best friend. He started to hate the only person that talked to him, the only person that spent time with him, the only person he had left.

_And he hated it._

Changkyun smiled at the sight before him. He felt successful with the fact that he was able to build on Hyungwon's hatred, knowing for a fact that this was where he would start in making Hoseok his. He wanted Hyungwon to know who Hoseok really is, and then build on his hatred. He wanted to separate the two of them. He wanted Hoseok to be his, _desperately_.

"Bye, Hyungwon. Take care, and beware." Changkyun spoke before finally turning his back and walking away, leaving Hyungwon clenching his fists in anger. He smirked successfully, as he was able to trigger the other. He was finally one step closer to his goal.

_One step towards owning Hoseok._

* * *

"Mom, I'm leaving!" Hoseok shouted to his mother as he was about to leave for school. He was feeling happy, but anxious at the same time. The thought of the events that occurred the previous day was still haunting him, and he wasn't sure if he should be happy or not.

Happy, in a sense, that Hyungwon had expressed interest towards him. He knew how the other boy resented homosexuality, yet, he was able to what Hoseok was, and what his feelings for the other was. _He even kissed back_ , Hoseok thought. This was something that brought him joy, something that made his heart skip a beat.

On the other hand, he was also feeling anxious. Hyungwon's actions may have been under the influence of the alcohol that he ingested. He may have unintentionally kissed Hoseok because he felt he had no choice but to do so, and it would be a mood breaker if he didn't.

 _But this was impossible_...

Hoseok had thought too much that he hadn't noticed he was already in school. Upon realizing where he already was, he immediately entered the gate and went to his classroom. There, he was able to see a slim figure sitting beside where he was seated, with his head resting on his desk. He immediately recognized the figure and excitedly went to go to his seat.

"Good Morning, Hyungwonie~," Hoseok spoke in a cutesy tone. However, the other didn't budge. Hoseok placed his bag under his table and faced Hyungwon's direction.

"Hey, Hyungwon," Hoseok called again, but the other didn't budge. He called several times, but to no success. Feeling surrendered, Hoseok stood up and went to the back of Hyungwon's chair. He immediately placed his arms around the other's abdomen.

However, the response he got was something that shook his whole being.

Hyungwon placed his arms on top of Hoseok's hands and roughly removed them. After which, he stood up and faced Hoseok, eyes filled with anger, hatred, and most of all, sincerity. _He was mad_...

"Could you please stay away from me?"

The whole situation had everyone in the room looking at the two of them. They began talking about the two, murmuring different thoughts and opinions. However, no one knew the exact truth. No one dared say anything, for they knew nothing.

_Only Hyungwon and I knew..._

The statement that just came out of Hyungwon reverberated on Hoseok's mind. He was surprised. He never saw that coming, and he never expected to receive that kind of response. _We were just fine yesterday..._

Hoseok's mind was blank. He couldn't think of anything that could fit the current situation. He wasn't ready for these reactions. He had a lot of questions in mind, but there were no answers. There was, however, one word that came to his mind. One word that he thinks would be the end of his secrets.

_Revealed._

 


	15. 14.

"Could you please stay away from me?"

In all honesty, Hyungwon didn't exactly know how to react to Hoseok. He was happy that his best friend was there and that the first thing that they could do was to finally talk. However, he didn't really know how he would approach the other. Would he be calm? Would he be firm? Would he be straight to the point? He didn't really know. This was going to be his first time, and it was giving him a really hard time. He wasn't even sure if it was fine if he just let it pass.

_But he knew he couldn't..._

And everything came in a blink of an eye. At the very moment that Hoseok had placed his arms around his abdomen, fear was the first feeling that crept up to him. Impulsively, anyone scared would react in an angry manner, right? That was what his initial reaction. He wasn't even sure if it was the right thing to feel at the moment, it was just what he wanted to show.

_And there was no way out..._

Hyungwon could feel all of the eyes inside their classroom. He didn't know that he had actually said it out loud. He unconsciously blurted out those words louder than they were intended to. But, the most burdensome stare was the one coming from Hoseok. As Hyungwon looked through his eyes, he saw what he feared the most.

_Pain._

And at that moment, he felt like everything was his fault. He felt that he is the one to blame of all that had happened today. If he reacted during the first time they kissed, then things wouldn't have gone this way. If he had not kissed Hoseok back, then things wouldn't have led to the awkwardness that Hyungwon felt right now. It was all his fault.

_I was to be blamed..._

Being unable to control his emotions anymore, Hyungwon made his way towards the door. He ran, with no specific direction nor place to go to in mind. He just ran. He wanted to escape the complicated scenario that he had made. He wanted to disappear.

_Disappear..._

Hyungwon kept on running, until he had become tired. The moment that he had stopped running, he realized that he had reached far when he looked at his surroundings. He was only a few blocks away from home, and he was honestly tempted to go home instead. Thinking it was the only best solution that he had, Hyungwon decided to go home and lock himself up, not caring if what would happen to him within the day. He needed escape. He had to escape.

_It was better than shame..._

* * *

Class had ended, and Hyungwon was still nowhere to be found. Miss Kang had noticed because according to her, Hyungwon was with her this morning inside the bus and he knew that the other had went to school, but she was wondering why the other wasn't inside the classroom. Nobody dared to speak. Some of the students in the class looked down, while other threw glances at Hyungwon's chair. Others looked at Hoseok, who was nervously seated beside Hyungwon's empty chair. He himself didn't know how to respond to Miss Kang's query, because everything had just come too fast. However, since nobody answered, she just let it off as Hyungwon probably dozing off somewhere without her permission.

It was still a mystery for Hoseok as to why Hyungwon had suddenly treated him coldly. It wasn't his first time to be treated that way, but from someone as calm and innocent as Hyungwon, it was unlikely for him to act such. _What happened to him_?

Everyone had already left their classroom, except for Hoseok. He was still standing in front of Hyungwon's chair. A part of him wanted to stay and wait for Hyungwon to come back, because he probably would, while another part of him wanted to take his belongings and leave. It was most likely that Hyungwon wasn't coming back anyway.

Deciding on what is the better option, Hoseok fished out his phone from his pocket. He immediately typed on his phone and sent a message to Hyungwon.

_Your things are with me. I'll just leave them in front of your door. I'm sorry if I've done anything wrong. – Hoseok._

He had read the message twice, thrice even, just to make sure that it had no second meaning. He didn't want to burden Hyungwon any further. He didn't know what he had done wrong, but he didn't want to add more to whatever he had.

_Sent._

As soon as Hoseok had made sure that it was sent, he started walking out of the classroom and out of the campus, still undecided if he was doing the right thing of bringing Hyungwon's bag to their house. Well, he assumed it was the right thing, rather than leaving it in school. Hoseok thought that the other would have more reason to be mad if he had lift his things in school.

While walking, Hoseok thought hard as to what the other's reason was why he was mad. He thought carefully, thinking of all the things he had done for the past week. Until it hit him.

_The kiss..._

Hoseok thought that Hyungwon might have realized what had happened. He knew the other was still straight, and that he had thought of what had happened. That explains the reason why he was mad. He tried to think of something else that could have caused the other's sudden change and anger, but there was nothing else that pointed to the reason besides that.

_He was mad because I kissed him..._

Now, Hoseok was feeling nervous and scared of what could happen if the two of them had met again. He was scared of what Hyungwon might think. He was scared that the other might throw another fit at him, shunning him from his life. He didn't want that to happen. He wanted to stay friends with Hyungwon. Yes, he loved him more than that, but he wanted Hyungwon's presence. He wanted him to be there so that he would be inspired, so that he could still move forward.

He was also nervous because whatever he would say could trigger the other. He was nervous because he didn't know how he would act in front of the other. Would he act innocent, pretending that nothing had happened? Or would he act guilty, knowing for a fact that what he had done had already put a scar to their long friendship.

Overthinking, Hoseok had realized that he had already reached Hyungwon's place. He felt twice the nervousness he originally had, plus he now feared of the outcome. However, he needed to fix this once and for all. He needed courage. A lot of it.

Hoseok walked towards their door. It took him long before he was able to reach the front of their door, as if it was the longest walk of his life. He was already fearing for the outcome. He realized he wasn't even ready for what he was about to say. He had thought long for what to say, but all of those thoughts flushed off his head as soon as he arrived in front of Hyungwon's door.

And to top all of his misfortune off, the door suddenly opened, and a very familiar voice spoke in a mocking tone.

"Hello, Hoseok. What brings you here?"

It was Changkyun.


	16. 15.

Hyungwon woke up when he heard the doorbell ring. Before even going down, he looked at his clock. It was already fifteen minutes past dismissal time in school. With that, Hyungwon stood up and changed his clothes before he went down. He didn't want any disturbance from his solitude, but he knew he had to answer the door, since it could be anyone. He wished it was anyone _but Hoseok_. He simply wasn't ready to face the other.

When he opened the door, he was somewhat relieved that it wasn't Hoseok. Instead, it was Changkyun. Suddenly, Hyungwon felt nervous because it was someone he hadn't expected, and at the same time, it was someone of _that_ kind.

"What are you doing here?" Hyungwon asked, raising an eyebrow as he asked the other in a sharp tone.

"Well, I heard of what happened in school earlier. I just wanted to say sorry if what I said was something that had affected you." Changkyun said honestly. Hyungwon tried to pierce through his eyes, looking at his being, judging whether Changkyun was in fact telling the truth. He saw the sincerity in the other's eyes, so he thought he would be honest enough to tell the truth, but he knew he still had to be careful. He knew _what_ Changkyun was, after all.

_I guess there's no harm in trying to trust him._

"It's okay. At least I knew what I had to do." Hyungwon smilingly responded, "Why don't you come in? I have a few questions to ask as well."

Changkyun was surprised with the other's action, but nevertheless, he had entered as per Hyungwon's invitation. As Changkyun went in, Hyungwon closed the door and guided the other to go to his room so that the two of them can talk.

"It's better if we talk in my room, rather than staying here." Hyungwon spoke as they were climbing the stairs. When he reached the peak of the stairs, he looked back and saw a blushing Changkyun behind him. Honestly, Hyungwon should've felt disgusted by that, but instead, he found it cute. It was odd, but he hated Hoseok for lying that he was _that_ , but he found it okay for Changkyun.

_Weird..._

Hyungwon opened the door to his room and let Changkyun enter. As soon as the other had entered, he went inside and closed the door. He guided Changkyun to his bed and advised the other that he can sit there, for which the other did comfortably.

"Make yourself at home." Hyungwon said, which made the other blush. Hyungwon chuckled at the sight. Surprisingly, Changkyun was blushing more than he should, but what was more surprising was that Hyungwon didn't mind how it was. He couldn't explain how, but it was different when Changkyun blushed towards his actions, compared to when Hoseok was.

_Hoseok..._

The name getting brought up from Hyungwon's mind triggered him to get serious and start talking to Changkyun.

"So, I wanted to ask you a lot of things, actually." Hyungwon started, which made Changkyun sit straight, the blush instantly disappearing from his cheeks.

"Go ahead."

Upon Changkyun's signal, Hyungwon suddenly felt nervous. He didn't know how or where to start. He had a lot of things in mind, but he didn't know which one he should ask first. He deduced which question would be a good start, which would lead to the next, but he couldn't. His mind wasn't functioning properly, for which he hadn't noticed that Changkyun felt the awkward silence. Changkyun was the one who spoke first, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"I'm sure you wanted to ask why I knew about Hoseok?" Changkyun spoke, bring Hyungwon back to his senses. Hyungwon nodded, finally figuring out that this was the best question where he would start finding out who Hoseok was, what he wanted, and what his plans were.

"Well, to answer your question, Hoseok is a bisexual," Changkyun answered, which caused the other to flinch. He was already expecting this coming, but he didn't know it would be different if it was a truth finally confirmed. He didn't know how it would affect him, for all the times that he had been with Hoseok. _Why didn't he even tell me?_

"H-how long has he been that?"

Hyungwon found it weird that he couldn't even say the word 'bisexual'. It still had an impact on him. He didn't know what to feel, especially that the truth about one of the people around him had finally surfaced. He had a lot of feelings stirring inside of him, but the most prominent feeling that he felt was _pain_.

_He was hurt..._

"That I cannot answer," Changkyun replied, sadness evident in his tone, "but what I can assure is that he already had feelings for you, way back then."

Hyungwon didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't know if he would be happy that Hoseok had feelings for me, or if he would feel disgusted because why not, it was his nature. He didn't know if he should feel normal or casual about it, or if he should be feeling shocked and hurt because the other hid it from him.

"I'm guessing you're hurt." Changkyun spoke, seeing the softness in Hyungwon's face. He felt sorry at some point, because he didn't want to hurt someone. He knew it was wrong to expose Hoseok like this, but Changkyun felt that it was just that he was doing this, not because of his plan but because he knew that Hyungwon deserved to know the truth.

_The truth..._

"I'm sorry about that, really." Changkyun continued. Hyungwon still hadn't spoke, and Changkyun felt guilty about this. He wanted to think that maybe this method was wrong, that he should go back and do it the other way. He wanted Hoseok, but he felt that maybe this time, hurting someone so innocent was wrong. Changkyun looked down, thinking twice if his method was right, seeing that Hyungwon was someone soft, someone who didn't deserve such pain. For the first time, he felt guilt. He felt something he had never felt for a long time, something he hadn't understood. He never felt it towards others, especially not with Kihyun. He wanted to turn back time, to reverse things all of a sudden, to stop, to–

"It's okay, Changkyun." Hyungwon spoke suddenly, hugging Changkyun. He hadn't seen that coming, and his guilty thoughts were erased because he suddenly felt Hyungwon's warmth, and he knew that he did right. Changkyun hugged back, thinking how successful he was with his plan.

_Maybe it wasn't wrong after all._

* * *

"Hello, Hoseok. What brings you here?"

Hoseok was surprised to see Changkyun opening the door. _Changkyun isn't even close to Hyungwon, so why would he be the one to open the door?_ This left Hoseok speechless. He didn't know how to respond to Changkyun, so the other simply continued.

"Surprised, I see. Yes, you should be." Changkyun spoke as he slyly smiled. Hoseok would lie if he wouldn't admit that he's actually disturbed with that smile. It was something that bothered him, something that sent shivers down his spine.

"What are you doing here?" Hoseok asked, his tone a mixture of seriousness, nervousness, and most importantly, fear. He didn't know what he should feel, and he knew that Changkyun sensed the emotions hidden beneath his tone. He knew that Changkyun did this as a part of his plan to make him his.

_Never..._

Changkyun smirked, provoking the other. He knew that he was doing it right, seeing that Hoseok was getting angry, evident with his fists clenching.

And indeed, Hoseok was mad at several things – at Changkyun, the situation, and himself. He was mad at Changkyun for meddling with his and Hyungwon's business. He was mad at the current situation because it was honestly something that Hoseok hoped would end. He wouldn't' want his friendship with Hyungwon to end like that.

Most importantly, he hated himself, on several levels. However, his main point of hatred is that he let his feelings and hormones go above his head. If that wouldn't have happened, then he and Hyungwon would be okay. They would still be in touch and none of this would have happened in the first place.

_Just maybe..._

"Nothing. I just did what I believe is right." Changkyun spoke with a smirk on his face. Hoseok was seriously pissed off that he couldn't contain himself. Dropping everything in his hands, he grabbed Changkyun by his collar.

"If anything happens to the friendship that Hyungwon and I have, I swear, you will regret ever meddling with our business." Hoseok cursed, but Changkyun simply smiled slyly.

"Shouldn't you be going up now? Your prince charming is already waiting." Changkyun spoke, which triggered Hoseok. He let go of him and immediately picked up the things that he dropped and ran towards the stairs and into Hyungwon's room, pushing Changkyun on the way.

"Soon, you'll be mine, Hoseok. You will." Changkyun spoke, directing the sentence to himself as he walked out of Hyungwon's house and closed the door. Changkyun thought that one of Hoseok's secrets could be described by a single adverb.

 _Revealed_.


	17. 16.

"Hyungwon, please open the door."

Hoseok had been knocking on his door for what seemed like forever, but Hyungwon couldn't decide as to whether he should open the door or not. He was still seated on the corner, contemplating if he should stand up and open the door, or just stay there until Hoseok gets tired of waiting for him. On second thought, he had never seen Hoseok get tired of waiting for him. He was always there for him. He never left his side, and he had always supported him every step of the way.

_He'd get tired. Eventually..._

"Hyungwon, please... Open the door." Hoseok had knocked again, but Hyungwon had noticed that the knock had become weaker, based on sound intensity. He thought that if he had waited a little longer, Hoseok would get tired of waiting and would eventually leave, as he had wished. He really wasn't in the mood to talk to Hoseok right now, and he wasn't sure when he ever would be.

He heard a familiar sound, which he recognized as his ringtone. Hyungwon stood up stood up and went to his bed. He picked up his phone and read the message, which was from the person who was standing outside his room.

_Hyungwon, please let me in... - Hoseok_

Doing his best to ignore, Hyungwon just put his phone down and went back to where he sat, still contemplating as to whether he should be making any moves of opening the door right now. He really wanted to open the door, but he had a lot of reasons not to.

But among all those reasons that he wanted to, there was one part of his body that urged him to open the door. It was the only part of himself that told him that he should go ahead and open the door.

_His heart._

He really wanted to listen. To give Hoseok a chance and lend his ears to him. But every inch of his body, excluding his heart, told him not to open the door. His mind kept on telling him that it should be 'mind over matter', but his heart was telling him otherwise. He was trying to weigh the consequences of opening the door, but he couldn't focus. He didn't know who to listen to.

Out of impulse, Hyungwon stood up and dropped all of his thoughts. He went towards the door and opened it, his heart thumping out of his heart. But, at that moment, he regret opening the door at that moment.

_Hoseok wasn't there._

* * *

Even with the threat of heavy rain looming over the city, Hoseok continuously ran where his feet would take him. He left Hyungwon's house with a heavy heart. He didn't have the chance to talk to Hyungwon. He didn't even have the chance to see him.

_It was too painful..._

To top it all off, as if it was from a cliché movie, the rain began to pour heavily. Hoseok laughed sarcastically. It was like the heavens was mocking what fate had done to him. Everything felt painful to Hoseok, and the heavy rain definitely wasn't helping.

_Why did this have to happen?_

Hoseok wanted to blame Changkyun for everything that had happened. He wanted to blame him that Hyungwon started putting distance between the two of them. He wanted to blame him for brainwashing Hyungwon's attitude towards him. He wanted to blame him for making Hyungwon hate him. He wanted to blame him for the pain that he felt right now. But deep inside, he knew he couldn't.

_It was really my fault..._

Walking mindlessly, Hoseok thought Hyungwon had every reason to be hated. He had every reason to distance himself. Hyungwon had every reason to feel that way. Hoseok thought how their relationship would be right now if he hadn't let himself get carried away by his feelings.

_If not for that kiss..._

As if under a trance, Hoseok suddenly stopped walking. He smiled sarcastically as he looked up to the heavens, raindrops washing his face, hiding his tears. He had been unconsciously crying. Everything felt painful. Everything felt gone. He lost his senses. He just appreciated how beautiful the skies were during a rainy day.

And then, from a distance, a car honked loudly before coming to a loud crash.


	18. 17.

Hyungwon made sure he had locked the door before stepping out of his house. Opening his umbrella, he stepped out into the rain and started walking. He never really had any plans of going out, but Hoseok's sudden disappearance really made him feel worried. He hated to admit it, but he was really worried about Hoseok.

_Where is he?_

As he walked carefully through the slippery sidewalk, he looked at every person that was passing by, hoping to see if that person was Hoseok. But the more he roamed around, the more he lost hope. Hoseok seemed to have really left.

_I should've opened the door..._

Hyungwon walked home, with regret filling his mind and heart. He realized that he shouldn't have let Hoseok leave and that he should've just opened the door. It was one of the things that made his heart ache, and he would like to admit that he really wasn't okay right now.

_I miss you..._

And, at that moment, he realized that it's been days ever since the two of them had talked. It's been so long ever since he opened up to Hoseok. It's been a long time since he leaned on him, and ever since he found out Hoseok's true identity, he hasn't talked to the other, nor contacted him. He felt his heart ache, and it was only then when he realized why he wanted to look for Hoseok, and what he truly felt for the other.

_He loved Hoseok..._

When the rain started to pour heavily again, his tears also began to fall. He couldn't take it that he had just realized how beautiful his feeling was, yet it was also empty. He couldn't take the fact that he had realized how much he loved the other when he was no longer with him. He couldn't accept the reality that he wasn't able to chase Hoseok and he had let him run out of his sight. It was simply too painful for him.

With a heavy heart, Hyungwon just walked home. He had accepted the fact that he could no longer find Hoseok at this rate. He, however, kept an optimistic mind, with only one thing lingering in his thoughts:

_I will see him tomorrow in school. I will confess to him._

* * *

Hyungwon didn't exactly want to go to school today. But he knew he had to patiently wait for Hoseok. He knew he had to give the other enough space and time, since he understood that he had Hoseok, and that he was just taking time to heal his wounds. He kept on thinking that one day, Hoseok would be able to come to school smiling and would eventually be able to talk to him.

_I would be able to tell him how I feel by that time._

The trip to school had been very usual. Hyungwon got on the bus that would take him to school. His trips had always been quiet, as it had always been. Surprisingly, though, it has already been a few days since he had seen Changkyun. But he heard of a lot of rumors that Changkyun had transferred out the other day after being harassed by Jooheon, who was said to be Yoo Kihyun's cousin. Many said that it was actually Kihyun's revenge through Jooheon, but others said that Kihyun and Hyunwoo already got back together, and that they no longer bothered on to seeking revenge.

_Regardless of which, at least Changkyun's gone..._

Hyungwon didn't mean anything negative, but he realized that ever since Changkyun entered his life, things got out of hand. He, of course, wanted to clarify things with the other, but he knew that he would no longer have the chance of doing so.

On a brighter side, Changkyun's transfer would benefit him as well, since he knew that there would be no one else left to interfere with their relationship. All that was left was for him and Hoseok to talk about the two of them, once and for all.

_Hoseok is the only one left to wait for..._

When the bus arrived in school, Hyungwon immediately got off and went to their building. Similar to other days, he was excited to see if Hoseok was there. He hurriedly climbed the stairs and ran towards his classroom and opened the door.

However, similar to the past days, he still wasn't there.

_When will you heal, Hoseok?_

It has already been the fourth day since Hoseok hasn't gone to school. He was already feeling worried about the other, but he knew that Hoseok had a reason why he needed to avoid him. He was hurt, so it was normal that he would avoid him, and one measure would be going to school.

_But until when will he be gone...?_

He had tried to call him, but he would not pick up on the first day. On the remaining days, when he tried to call, the operator was the one who answered and told him that the other's mobile phone was turned off. He seemed to have pissed Hoseok off, and that made him sad.

_Eventually, he'll talk to me..._

As soon as their teacher came in, Hyungwon thought that maybe, it was time that he would be the one to reach out. Maybe it was the time for him to go to Hoseok's place and settle things once and for all. And at that moment, he had made up his mind on his plans after class.

_I will go to see him, once and for all._

* * *

It seemed to take forever for the lunch bell to ring, but as soon as it did, Hyungwon immediately went to the faculty room to talk to his homeroom teacher. He made up an excuse that he was not feeling very well, and that he was to be dismissed. The teacher, knowing Hyungwon had a very weak body, gave in to his excuse and allowed him to take the remaining day off school.

Hyungwon immediately went to the bus stop where Hoseok usually rides to go home. Since it was in the middle of the day, there wasn't much traffic and he soon arrived to the bus stop near Hoseok's home. He got off and briskly walked his way towards Hoseok's residence. As soon as he arrived, he rang the doorbell and patiently waited for someone to open the door. It did not take long before someone opened the door, and it was his mother, Mrs. Shin.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Shin! I'm here to see Hoseok. Is he inside?" Hyungwon asked politely. It wasn't the first time that he had met Mrs. Shin. As typical best friends, their parents know one another, so Mrs. Shin was a face that he had gotten used to talk to since they were kids.

Hyungwon had noticed, however, that Mrs. Shin looked very pale. Her eye bags looked very prominent on her face, and she seemed to look older than she actually was. Hyungwon thought that this was maybe because she was overworking herself.

But, his ears and his heart has failed him, upon hearing Mrs. Shin speak with a very heavy heart, almost about to break down.

"He's in the hospital, my dear. He's in coma."


	19. 18.

Hyungwon ran his way towards the hospital where Hoseok was confined. He was still shook with what had happened, and he was able to interconnect the series of unfortunate events that had occurred between the two of them.

As Mrs. Shin narrated, Hoseok got into a car accident on a very rainy day, at the time that Hyungwon was looking for him. The car was running at a very fast speed, and due to the heavy rain, the driver didn't notice that Hoseok was standing in the middle of the street, thus the car crash. Most of his vital organs had been damaged, and it was since then that he was in coma.

Hearing the story alone made Hyungwon's heart ache a lot. He stopped his tears from flowing in front of Mrs. Shin, afraid of triggering the mother of his beloved again. He knew that she has already been through a lot, and making her cry would be the least of the things that Hoseok wanted.

Running at full speed, Hyungwon felt his tears fall with each step that he took. He realized that he wasn't ready to see Hoseok on a white bed, inside a white room, fighting for his life. Each step stabbed his heart, and each step made the weight on his shoulders heavier than how it should have been.

Although it wasn't proven yet, Hyungwon knew that the reason why Hoseok got into a car accident was because of him. Had he opened the door earlier, Hoseok wouldn't have left immediately and they would have talked things through. Had he opened the door, Hoseok wouldn't have walked his way out of Hyungwon's residence, pained at the treatment that he received.

_It was all my fault..._

As soon as Hyungwon had arrived in the hospital, he immediately went to where Mrs. Shin had instructed. He climbed up the stairs, and it was as if it took forever for him to reach the floor where Hoseok's room was. He continuously ran, not running out of breath nor feeling tired. He had no time for that. He needed to see Hoseok.

When he arrived in front of Hoseok's room, he gently opened the door. Inside, there was a nurse and the only sound that could be heard was the beeping from the heart rate monitor. The room was typically white, and it was somewhat dimmed. The nurse wasn't startled upon seeing Hyungwon enter the room and bowing at her. It was as if she was already expecting him to arrive.

"Good afternoon. I came here to see Shin Hoseok. My name is Chae Hyungwon and I am his best friend. Would it be fine for me to ask that the two of us be left so that I could say something to him, even though I know he won't be able to hear what I wanted to tell him."

The nurse smiled at him and told him that he was expected to arrive, as Mrs. Shin had instructed days before. She politely bowed to him before leaving the room.

"If you need anything, I will just be outside. You can just call me."

Hyungwon bowed and thanked her, as she made her way towards the door. He then walked towards Hoseok's bedside and got on his knees. Before was able to hold Hoseok's pale hand, he already began crying. It's been so long since he had held Hoseok's hand, as it was surprisingly pale.

"Hoseok..."

As he kneeled beside him, Hyungwon remembered all their happy times together. He remembered how Hoseok had been the only one to accept him as his best friend. He recounted every smile that they shared, every happy memory that he could think of. He smiled as he wept, holding Hoseok's hand and kissing it, recalling the times that he held that soft hand and proudly told the world that Hoseok was his best friend.

"I'm very sorry, Hoseok..."

Hyungwon cried his heart out as he remembered how much Hoseok has done for him. If not for the other, Hyungwon might have given up on living. He realized how much Hoseok has sacrificed to make him happy. Everything came back in a flash, and he realized how late it already was to appreciate Hoseok and everything he has done.

"I never would have thought things would happen this way..."

As a matter of fact, Hyungwon was always confident ever since Hoseok came into his life. Hoseok had helped him become more confident with himself, and Hyungwon admit that he owed a lot to him. This was the reason why Hyungwon was confident that one day, Hoseok would come to school and that they would talk things about the two of them.

"Because of that, I regret not making the choice for you. I regret not giving you my all. I regret all of my wrong decisions. I should have trusted you. I should have believed you. But I did not do those things, and instead, I trusted someone else. I betrayed my best friend. I knew it was wrong, but I kept on doing it, and now, this has happened to you. I'm deeply sorry, Hoseok..."

Hyungwon pressed Hoseok's hand softly, applying some pressure to it. Although it was realistically cold, Hyungwon believed it was warm and was filled with life. Hyungwon believed that Hoseok was sending warmth as a sign of acceptance. He believed that Hoseok's hand was responding to his words, forgiving him.

_And then, Hoseok's heart rate monitor began beeping slowly than it originally did..._

Hyungwon was about to leave and call the nurse outside, but he was stopped by Hoseok firmly holding his hand in return, stopping him in his place. Hyungwon felt like it was a dream, but it was real. He looked towards Hoseok's direction, and he could not believe his eyes as he saw Hoseok smiling at him.

_He is finally awake._

Hyungwon started to cry once again. He held Hoseok's hand firmly, this time, feeling more _real_ warmth than what he felt when he first came in. The silence of the room was replaced by Hyungwon's sobbing and Hoseok's weak giggling.

"Hoseok... why did you go away? You should have stayed. I opened the door for you, because I was already willing to talk to you–" Hyungwon stopped talking when Hoseok weakly raised his other hand to signal the other to stop talking. Hoseok was too weak to speak so he mouthed five short words and smiled at Hyungwon.

_I'm sorry. I love you._

And then, as Hoseok smiled, the silence of the room was suddenly replaced by a long beep.


	20. Epilogue

It was a bright and sunny day. Hyungwon had stepped out of the front door of his house and went to enter his car. He knew he was too early, but he had to go to university so that he could have more time to study. It was their midterms that time, and he didn't have room to fail.

Three years. It was three long years ever since Hoseok had left them. It was honestly painful to accept, but Hyungwon knew that he had to move forward. Hoseok wouldn't be very happy if he had let himself get affected by what has happened.

At first, Hyungwon really couldn't bear the pain. He was there when Hoseok smiled. He was there when Hoseok had let go. He was there the moment Hoseok closed his eyes, yet, he didn't do anything. He just watched Hoseok die in front of his eyes.

_It was too painful to watch..._

Mrs. Shin came immediately after finding out. Hyungwon thought that he would get his ears shouted off, but instead, Mrs. Shin was calm. She was happy because her son could no longer be in pain. She knew he was too young to leave the world, but the struggles in his physical form was something that Mrs. Shin was thankful of, that Hoseok could no longer experience further pain.

She was also thankful for Hyungwon. At some point, she knew that Hyungwon was the one Hoseok was waiting for. She wasn't exactly sure how Hoseok felt for Hyungwon, but she was exactly sure that Hyungwon had a special place in Hoseok's heart.

During the first days of Hoseok's departure, Hyungwon couldn't really think straight. He was physically present, but mentally missing. Emotionally, it was as if he died every single day. He never had the chance to tell Hoseok, in person, how much he loved him. He never had the chance to confess his feelings. He never had the chance to tell him his secret, when Hoseok had wholeheartedly told him everything his heart could fathom.

On some days, Hyungwon would look at the mirror and his other self would tell that instead of Hoseok, it should have been him who died. Hyungwon blamed himself a lot that he almost took his life for it. However, every time he had the chance of doing so, something would happen that would prevent him from doing so. He wasn't sure if it was a miracle of divine intervention, or simply a coincidence, or probably a curse that would torment him for the rest of his life.

_Maybe it was Hoseok..._

He eventually stopped. He realized that Hoseok gave up his life for him to live, not for him to take his own. He used that as an inspiration, and with that, he has lived up to the expectation of who he should be, and he is very thankful for it.

As he moved forward with his own life, he carried Hoseok's with his. He never forgot how much he loved Hoseok, and he used that as his own strength.

When heentered his classroom, Hyungwon took off all thoughts in his mind and preparedhimself to focus for the lecture.

* * *

Hyungwon's class schedule for the day only consumed half of it, so he still had time to drop by somewhere. He cleared his table and put all of his things inside his bag. Being the very typical him, he stood quietly and made his way towards the bus stop.

His usual bus ride was quiet, as it had always been. It was something that, maybe, didn't change for him because it defined his peace. Silence.

The moment he arrived in his destination, he immediately went to the spot where he would pass by. He didn't have a hard time looking for that spot, because he came on a regular basis. He stood beside the stone which had the inscription _Shin Hoseok._

_Hello, Hoseok. How are you up there?_

Hyungwon sat down and felt the silence of the cemetery. He felt peace. He never felt so tranquil. He never felt so happy. Whenever he had free time, he passed by Hoseok, because the other's resting place also made him feel at rest. It was his peace.

Although he never got the chance in confessing his feelings, Hyungwon knew that Hoseok somehow found out that he had feelings for him. At some point, the two of them knew that they loved each other. At one point in their lives, Hyungwon felt that they were really in a relationship.

For now, Hyungwon knew that this life wasn't theirs to claim. Maybe, sometime in their next life, they would eventually fall for each other again, and they would live their own happily ever after, like how other fairy tales would end. But for now, Hyungwon knew that things would just remain as they were, nothing more than that.

_A secret._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! If this story seems familiar to you, or you might've read it somewhere, I've already posted this on my AFF and on my Wattpad account.
> 
> So... why am I trying this website? Because I really wanted to know if this story would receive the same reaction as it did on other sites. A flop. Jk kidding hehe.
> 
> Anyways, I posted this here because I just wanted to. I read a lot of good fics here, and I wanted to share my own so that I have a wide range of comments I can use for improvement because I really need to improve! ><
> 
> Thank you so much in advance for the time that you will allot in reading this work! Please don't be shy to leave comments or anything!
> 
> Talk to me too please~! :3  
> Twt: @cinnamarbean  
> Curiouscat: @cinnamarbean


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